A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And now it is time for the cat to have her say...

7:18 AM. Waking up at home. Big stretch to start the day. Slept reasonably well. I should be able to stay awake an hour or two before my next nap.

7:21 AM. Coming into the staff’s bedroom. Well, my bedroom, I just let the staff use it. She’s in the bathroom, and the shower’s running. Why humans can’t just wash themselves the same way cats do is beyond me.

7:22 AM. Meowing insistently at the door. Staff! Hurry up and open that door already.

7:24 AM. The staff finally opens the door. It’s about time, you know. And put some clothes on. You don’t see me walking around being an exhibitionist, do you?

7:27 AM. Waiting at the base of the stairs for the staff to get down here. Feeling impatient.

7:33 AM. The staff comes downstairs. Okay, time for you to get my breakfast seen to.

7:35 AM. I have finally received my breakfast. Some tuna and milk on the side is acceptable. For whatever reason the staff continues to persist in putting down a bowl of field rations. I don’t know why, but then there are things about humans that I find perplexing at the best of times.

7:48 AM. Bidding goodbye to the staff as she’s off to work for the day. Very well, staff, I’ll have to amuse myself for a few hours. I expect I can fill some of that time in with some well placed naps. After all, a cat must get in their daily eighteen hours of sleep, right? Of course I’m right.

7:53 AM. Staring out the window at the vastness of my domain. Snow falling. I can hear the sound of that annoying dog barking somewhere in the distance. As dogs go, he is a supremely silly example of one.

8:21 AM. Watching the flying lunches out at the bird feeder. Oh, if only I was out there right now, I’d get my claws on one of you. Of course that would also mean I’d be stuck outside for hours on end, and that’s not my idea of a swell time.

8:28 AM. Detecting movement at the treeline. What’s that?

8:29 AM. It’s that foul hound! How dare he turn up on my property???

8:30 AM. Hissing and howling as the dog walks towards my house. Get lost, you varmint!

8:31 AM. Expressing my loathing and contempt for the mutt. What part of go away do you not get?

8:32 AM. The dog is leaving. What I wouldn’t give to be outdoors right now and give him a good swift clawing to the snout...

8:35 AM. In a foul mood. What purpose dogs serve in the greater scheme of things, I don’t know...

9:03 AM. Brooding in my living room. And brooding some more. A good brood is always welcome. Particularly after unwelcome visits from pests like dogs. 

12:27 PM. Waking up from a nap. Slept well, but dismayed to discover that there are still hours to go before the staff gets home.

12:34 PM. Musing on how big a stocking of coal  I might get for Christmas if I convince a skunk to go pay that dog a visit. 

1:28 PM. Barking coming from down the road. It’s that other dog, the one that seems to have at least some sense, though why he seems to like the name Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels, is beyond me. Mailman must be driving through.

1:36 PM. And right on cue, that infernal mutt down the road is barking. I wonder if dogs realize that mailmen are simply doing their job?

5:19 PM. Greeting the staff with a head bonk to the leg when she walks in. Well, it’s about time, staff, I’ve been cooped up all day, you know.

6:38 PM. Dinner with the staff. Some nice cuts of beef suit me nicely. Very good, staff, very good indeed.

8:03 PM. The staff is busy writing Christmas cards. I am busy supervising. Wait, you’re writing one to them? Those are dog people, staff!

8:49 PM. Sitting on the couch beside the staff, watching my tail twitch. Musing on grabbing it.

11:29 PM. The staff is off to bed. I am busy grooming myself. I must be looking my best, after all, at four in the morning when I decide to sprint all over the house for no reason whatsoever.