It Must Have Been In One Of My Drunken Stupors

“I didn’t mean to impale, brutally torture, and murder all those people. It must have been in one of my drunken stupors.” ~ Vlad The Impaler, 1475

“Okay, so I bathed in the blood of hundreds of virgin girls and committed all kinds of atrocities. I can only say that each time I did it, I was in a drunken stupor.” ~ Countess Elizabeth Bathory, 1611

“What was I thinking, invading Russia? I must have been in a drunken stupor” ~ Napoleon Bonaparte, 1812

“I didn’t intend to assassinate the President. I was in one of my drunken stupors.” ~ John Wilkes Booth, 1865

“Oh God Oh God Oh God, I’m surrounded by Lakota and Cheyenne on all sides and no way out. What was I thinking? Was I in a drunken stupor?” ~ George Armstrong Custer, 1876

“Did I murder those women? Must have been in one of my drunken stupors.” ~ Jack The Ripper, 1888

“Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the communist party? And if so, were you in a drunken stupor?” ~ Senator Joe McCarthy, 1953

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Unless I was in a drunken stupor, then, well, all bets are off, because let me tell you, I tend to run wild when I’ve had some good ol’ Arkansas moonshine, and it takes me weeks to figure out from the news articles what I did. That’s usually when my wife raises hell. Oh, hey, honey!” ~ President Bill Clinton, 1998

“Yes, I have smoked crack, probably in one of my drunken stupors.” ~ Mayor Rob Ford, 2013

It’s been a hectic few weeks here in Canada. At Hallowe’en the chief of police in Toronto confirmed that they had in evidence a video recording of Mayor Rob Ford smoking crack, an allegation first brought forth months ago through newspaper investigations and vehemently denied by the walking disaster, his idiot brother, and their legions of cult devotees known as Ford Nation. The story blew up from there and went global. While Ford’s many pratfalls in the past have gone out on the international press before, and he has had many in the years since his election, this one has stayed in the spotlight ever since.

The man is a buffoon, a bully, an idiot, a man-child incapable of growing up, an alcoholic, addict, probable wife beater, and utterly unfit for his job. I’d thought that for years, as had many a reasonable person. After years as an irritating city councillor, he rode in on promises to “end the gravy train” and keep taxes low (this in a city with a low tax rate, surrounded by cities with higher taxes). Those who voted him in weren’t all mouth-breathing troglodytes. Some of them were reasonable people, who found all too late that they voted in a man unable to learn from his mistakes, unwilling to work in consensus with others. Despite his many, many claims that he was doing a good job, the evidence simply didn’t support that. He removed revenue streams that were not unreasonable, backed foolish ideas that just pointed out his complete short sightedness, and did everything he could to affirm my opinion that this man was not fit for the slightest position of responsibility.

And he got into trouble. Boy, this man has had a gift for putting his foot in his mouth, making an ass of himself, and ignoring the rules. It’s landed him in court, and he’s barely gotten away from things unscathed. His devotees demand that people leave him alone and suggest there’s a vast conspiracy out to get him. He acts like a five year old at times, throwing temper tantrums, unwilling, even when he should, to show the slightest humility after narrowly escaping the consequences of his actions. When I say he’s an idiot, it’s both an insult and a fact: a person of reasonable intelligence understands how to learn from their mistakes. This man never, ever learns anything. He’s avoided media- aside from those asking softball questions- using a radio show with his idiot brother Doug, a city councillor, as his bully pulpit, taking shots at everyone who even remotely offends him. I shook my head when this man got elected, and got used to the regular “what’s he done now” moments. At least he wasn’t my mayor, but as the mayor of the largest city in the country, that behaviour got noticed around the world.

Their father was a wealthy man, a businessman and politician who got rich (I’ve heard horror stories about the kind of man he was). The family itself seems screwed up on a monumental scale. A sister mixed up with shady sorts, including members of the Klan. Allegations going back years about the Brothers Ford in the drug trade that have come to light. I’ve always felt that these guys were bullies as kids, indulged in every single way, never having to face the consequences of their actions. No one back then gave them the ass kicking they desperately needed. They might have been better for it. Now it’s too late. And for all their insistence that they’re fighting for the little guy, it’s bull. These two were born with a silver spoon in their mouths, never had to work a serious day in their lives- and yet never developed the manners and class you’d expect out of anyone who was rich. Had their old man not been rich, they’d have ended up being nothing more than the loudmouthed jerks down at the corner bar each night, complaining about how everyone else but them were getting ahead in life.

So Crackgate blew up, as you might expect. For days, no real response- aside from denials and deflections by Brother Doug, demanding the police chief step down. And the feeding frenzy continued. Even his few media allies by this point had had enough, telling him to step down. Finally he came out and admitted he had smoked crack. “In one of my drunken stupors,” he added. Apologies started up, along with the declaration that he was not an addict or an alcoholic.

Bull. If you’re drinking so much that you have blackouts and can’t remember what you did, you’re an alcoholic. And if you’re addicted to one thing, it’s not that hard to get addicted to another, particularly crack, which has a vicious reputation for that.

Apology followed apology, the endless “I swear, I mean it, I realize I’ve messed up, but I’m sorry, now let’s just move on and keep running this city.” He tried to deflect by speaking to his record, claiming he’s saved the city a billion dollars- a claim that comes apart under even casual investigation. More allegations came forward from the police files, his many associations with criminal lowlifes, people who live in arrested development, often living in their parents’ basement, guys with criminal records, histories of anger management issues, serious pathologies to say the least. The full allegations of the police investigation into Ford and his occasional driver have not been fully revealed, and charges against Ford himself have not yet been laid, but the information that is out in the open is damning: a man with a tendency to drink heavily, make use of drugs, engage in behaviour that indicates a persistent use of drugs, abuse staffers, and more. Taken into account with his known history- many calls to the family home about domestic disturbances, hair trigger temper around strangers, and inability to actually understand there are consequences for his actions- what you have are the ingredients for a monster.

I don’t know what my last straw where this man is concerned is. It might be the video recording that got aired, with him in an erratic state, yelling about wanting to kill someone. That seemed to confirm the impression I’ve always had of him: deep down this is a man of pure, unadulterated rage. It might be his vulgar reference to oral sex in denying allegations about propositioning a former staffer, or the cowardly way he had in bringing out his wife for that apology. Maybe it’s the way he acted in a series of council meetings that saw him stripped of much of his powers, the last measure council had after pleading with him for weeks to step aside. Instead of taking things seriously, he snorted, bickered, made threats, heckled other councillors, laughed with his brother, went into the public gallery with one of his drivers and argued and harassed onlookers, and generally made an ass of himself… with the world watching. Steamrolling into a fellow councillor when he lost his temper certainly didn’t help. She could have had him charged with assault. His final parting shot- even after admitting that if it had been someone else in this position, he’d have been inclined to vote along the same lines- was to declare war, comparing himself to Kuwait and the decision of council to Saddam Hussein. And if that wasn’t enough, he’s crazy enough to believe someday he’ll be Prime Minister.

I am tired of having my country humiliated like this. It’s stopped being funny. This man- and I use that term loosely, because Rob Ford is a pathetic excuse for a human being- has dragged the entire country through the mud (and whatever else). He refuses to leave. Anyone with the slightest shred of integrity, self-awareness, or decency, would leave. He continues to lash out, to feed his own delusions, to refuse to take responsibility for the monstrous mess he has made of his own life. He is responsible for his own self destruction, not some vast conspiracy by leftists and liberals. Just him… and his enablers. His family, who refuse to admit there’s a problem, and his die-hard supporters, who at this point cannot be reasoned with. They are so blinded by their support of the man that it’s become like a cult. They are literally unable to see him for what he is.

I’m also past the point of compassion, at least for him. I reserve some for his wife and children, who have to live with this monster. For him? None. I just want him- and his repulsive brother- gone. Forever. My disgust for this crude, stupid, repugnant thug grows by the day. He has humiliated the largest city of my country time and time again since before his election, and it seems to only intensify now by the day.

Rob and Doug, go to hell. You two slobbering dolts and wastes of oxygen are the biggest assholes on the planet.