They say the best laid plans often go awry. Typically you'd have seen a blog from me beforehand, and I had planned to do a cat and dog blog to start out the month. They'll have to stay in drafts for the time being. I'm just not in much of a funny mood at present. For awhile, my blogging schedule won't be on schedule. Things are going on that I'll leave aside for the moment; it's family related, and it drew me away for a few days. For the moment, I'm just trying to get caught up on blog reading while I have the time. It helps to distract me, and right now, with all that's going on, I need distractions.
I had some time to myself in the last few days, down in southern Ontario, and went into a cemetery there, where my grandparents are buried. It had been several years since I'd visited their grave, and after a good deal of searching, I did find it, spending some time there. Afterwards I started walking through the cemetery, a sizeable one with a lot of history to it. It was a peaceful place.
One tombstone that stuck with me was a sculpture of an angel flanked by two stones bearing the names of the deceased. I liked the craftmanship of it, the serene quality of the sculptor's final product. Another such example was flanked by the Union Jack beside it, and it was a memorial to several soldiers from the First World War, men from the area buried in the battlefields of France.
And then there's the opposite. Near that memorial stood a large, peculiar grave. It was black marble, quite high for a tombstone (let's say seven feet high for the central block). It was flanked by two wings of black marble curling around in a rough U shape, tapering to the ground as the wings got further away from the central block. And it had benches set at either side to gaze down on the grave itself, where the deceased had their name carved a second time, just in case you missed it carved out on the central block.
I stared at that overly elaborate grave... and I shook my head. It was tacky. It was a Pay Attention To Me kind of tombstone. It was the sort of tombstone that would appeal to an arrogant egomaniac, master of the universe (or so they think) sort of person. It was, in short, the kind of place Donald Trump would feel quite comfortable in.
I could be wrong. Maybe the deceased was in fact a decent sort of chap whose survivors happened to get a little carried away with themselves in erecting a monument. Still... I don't think so.
Life's a journey, and it ends for all of us at some point. That doesn't mean you have carte blanche to keep being a self absorbed wanker in death as you did in life.
Cemeteries: nice place to visit, wouldn't want to live there.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you are experiencing tough times. I cant help thinking it would be funny if it was the sculptors gravestone. I hope everything turns out for the best for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteHow could I top that last comment by thelisas? That was funny. Cemeteries are actually a great place to take artsy photos. :D I know, random.
ReplyDeleteThe photograph is beautiful- exactly the way I like my cemeteries. As for the grandiose tomb stone- I appreciate the differences in choice when it comes to a final resting tablet. It's a window into the souls that lie beneath- even if they might have been assholes. See- insight. I'm wishing you peace and goodness William during your troubling times.
ReplyDeleteThe last paragraph is hilarious! lol
ReplyDeleteI love the older cemeteries because they have unique tombstones. It seems as if the newer ones must conform to a set standard. You can't live in this cemetery unless you agree to purchase THIS marble tombstone which is exactly one square foot and 3 inches thick. :T
My mom wanted an elaborate headstone for my dad when he died ; Dad wanted to be cremated, which, of course, was out of the question. I told Mom he'd think that enormous headstone ridiculous and suggested she have it engraved with his name, dates of birth and death, and "I'd rather have the cash."
ReplyDeleteBecause that's what he would have said.
Surprising blog, partner. Don't overdo, okay?
Sending good thoughts your way! Hope things work out soon.
ReplyDeleteI find headstones fascinating--so much personality to them (for better or worse!).
That does sound tacky. The whole idea of my body rotting in the ground really creeps me out. I seriously want to be cremated.
ReplyDeleteWell, keep us updated. Keeping you in my thoughts during this rough time.
I'm not having a funeral,no embalming,and wish to be cremated ASAP after death. No plaque of remembrance..nothing.
ReplyDeleteI came, I saw, I went. Hang on, that would be great carved into a monstrous headstone!!
Jane x
P.S. Chin up, chuck!
ReplyDeleteJane x
I don't want or expect a fancy stone for myself, but I have spent time wandering through cemeteries and sometimes the huge, unusual monuments are quite wonderful. Sometimes it is for a wealthy person, or one who accomplished a lot in art, literature or another field. Sometimes it is one who died young and left a grieving family. So, in part I agree with and understand your feelings, but in part I have enjoyed seeing some very special monuments.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to read that you are undergoing some family-related stress. Good luck.
@TheLisas: certainly not, no...
ReplyDelete@Ida: thank you.
@Vashti: I like them for that purpose.
@Cheryl: thank you kindly.
@Diane: this cemetery didn't have the sort of regulation size in some of the newer graves.
@Norma: I'd be inclined to prefer cremation.
@Meradeth: they do have character to them.
@Krisztina: thank you.
@Jane and Chris: A wake would be a nice send off...
@Jack: thank you.
Well the family might have wanted a big send off. In New Orleans they even have a parade all the way to the cemetery. Hope things continue to be peaceful.
ReplyDeleteWhen I attended the one room country schoolhouse, we would hike up the road a short distance and eat lunch in the graveyard on nice days. It was quiet, peaceful, and shaded by the huge trees that grew there. I loved that place. However, when it is my turn to go home, they can scatter my ashes anywhere it is legal. I don't need a headstone.
ReplyDeleteI like cemeteries. They're kind of peaceful. Years ago, I understand people would hold picnics in them. Maybe they felt closer to their dead.
ReplyDeleteAs for tombstones: remember that often the deceased has no say in the matter. Unless s/he ordered the stone before death and had it set up, the survivors would have decided what was proper and appropriate. And a lot of surviving spouses probably thought hubby/wifey needed a big monument so the neighbors wouldn't tsk tsk at the lack of mourning!
I find a lot of peace in cemeteries too. They have a certain serenity. Though I think I would have had the same reaction as you - I wonder if this person had a choice in the matter. Either way, sounds like he/she or the survivors certainly went a bit overboard.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear things are not going well with family now. I know those days are not easy. Sending good wishes.
To each their own, I guess; but wouldn't be my style. Hope things turn around for you soon.
ReplyDeleteWe have a few graves like that in the cemetery I sometimes visit to photograph. I've never quite thought of it that way, but you're right.
ReplyDeleteI am leaning towards cremation, myself, but will ultimately leave it to the wishes of my family. I think they will agree.
I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Ihope your mother has not taken a turn for the worse. I know a lot of things can be a distraction.
Thinking of you.
I find blogging a good distraction from hard times. Good luck with your troubles.
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I guess some people want to be in the spotlight even in death.
ReplyDeleteI wish we could all get together with our spoons and eat five gallons of Ben and Jerry's Fudge Brownie ice cream. It seems to make everything better for the moment.
ReplyDeleteHugs and chocolate,
Shelly
Hey William, not good to hear that you're having some family issues, hopefully they will resolve themselves without to much grief! The writer in you picked exactly the right way to relate your feelings right now, know that good vibes are coming your way from the land of Oz, take care, follow your heart and do what you have to.
ReplyDeleteWilliam,
ReplyDeleteNot only because of the content of your own blog, but also because you never fail to be a support to other bloggers.
I've nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award. If you care to accept this nomination, click on the link and follow the easy steps explained in my post.
You deserve it!
Lucy
http://lucypireel.wordpress.com/2013/05/05/the-versatile-blogger-award/
William,
ReplyDeleteNot only because of the content of your own blog, but also because you never fail to be a support to other bloggers.
I've nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award. If you care to accept this nomination, click on the link and follow the easy steps explained in my post.
You deserve it!
Lucy
http://lucypireel.wordpress.com/2013/05/05/the-versatile-blogger-award/
@Eve: I heard the minister and a funeral director speak about that very tombstone on the way into the cemetery. It turns out it was the wife who insisted.
ReplyDelete@Mari: I'd like my ashes spread on a mountain.
@Cheryl: in this case, it wasn't the deceased, as it turns out!
@LondonLulu: a little overboard is an understatement. Someday I ought to photograph it.
@Carla: it wouldn't be mine either.
@Christine: I'm certainly leaning towards cremation.
@RedPat: it does help, reading blogs.
@Kelly: so it seems.
@Shelly: Ben and Jerrys would help.
@Grace: sometimes the answer we get isn't the one we want... but at least it ended.
@Lucy: I think I've gotten that one before....