The Twilight Saga: The Sullen Idiot Can't Make Up Her Mind

Today in the second part of my blog trilogy, I turn my attention, of course, to the second part of the Unholy Trinity, Bella Swan, the heroine, if you want to call her that, of the Twilight saga. I just refer to her as the Sullen Idiot, primarily because of the movies... where Kristen Stewart playing the thankless role seems incapable of making any facial expression beyond casual indifference.

Yes, we have Stephanie Meyer to blame for the creation of this whole series, and she's made a financial killing on it in the process. As noted in the last blog, I've never read the books. My brother has, however, and regretted it ever since. I suspect he lost a bet. He was less then impressed... and saying less then impressed is as adequate a term as calling Lake Superior a pond.

He's of the impression that if Ms. Meyer had been the screenwriter for Titanic, Jack Dawson would have lived. Regardless of the fact that every single sign through that movie pointed to Jack dying.

Admit it: this is the version of Twilight that would have been entertaining....

And so now that we're started, I give you the less then formidable Bella Swan, she who can't decide between the dead vampire and the flea bitten werewolf. Or is that were-llama?

I'm on that team!

So, let's see here... Breaking Dawn features the Sullen Idiot marrying Mr. Sparkles and having a vampire baby with him. It turns out that she's actually capable of making a decision after dragging her heels for three or four years.

Now, if I could be serious here for a moment? I do have some actual issues with the books and movies, and here they are....

First.... Bella Swan is a huge step back for female characters in fiction. She's utterly dependent on the men in her life, incapable of asserting herself. She willfully goes along with having herself isolated by the mysterious sparkly stranger she meets in the first book. It seems to me that Edward (Mr. Sparkles, I know, but I'm trying to be serious here) seeks to isolate her from everyone in her life. His behaviour isn't romantic. It comes across (at least to me) as stalker behaviour. This is a guy who's creeping into her bedroom to watch her sleep at night, who's overly possessive... all of these are signs of a potential abuser. And yet a generation of girls are growing up thinking, "OMG! Edward is so romantic! I love Edward! OMG!"

He's not, ladies... this is the sort of behaviour that results in restraining orders ten years down the line.

Contrast Bella with other fictional characters of late. Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter books is the most obvious one. She's brave, bold, decisive, and the smartest witch of her age. She finds herself at a bad place emotionally, and she soldiers on... she just gets on with it. She's an active, assertive, well rounded personality. Whereas Bella is submissive, meek, utterly lost without the supposed love of her life (who happens to be a century older then her). The way she comes across is as an emotional cripple who can't go on without the presence of a pale faced bloodsucking soulless vamp to carry her about.

Which of these two characters is someone to look up to?

Okay, serious time over.

The Count is never wrong, you know....

Like I indicated... Hermione Granger is a better character on her worst day and Bella's very best day...

That fight will only last three seconds.

Of course, there's all sorts of fan fic out there about Twilight (for some reason). Some of which speculates on just what it is that really goes on between the Unholy Trinity.

And then there's the matter of Bella's taste in baby names....Renesmee??? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Exhibit #45 in our case that Bella Swan is, indeed, an idiot. Anyone who would name a child that clearly has a low IQ.

Twilight: a true scourge on the land. With the first part of Breaking Dawn about to hit theatres, we can hope that we're near the end, but we're not. Part Two shall be showing itself in a year. Twi-hards will be screaming "OMG! OMG! OMG!" Mr. Sparkles will still be sparkling in that last film. Dog Boy will still be depressed in that last film. And Sullen Idiot shall still have only one facial expression....

I ask the fates: what did we do to deserve such a scourge upon us?

I'm with you, Gaston!