A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And so again the cat must have the last word, since she is a supreme being, and thus must be treated with the utmost respect and adulation. Let us begin.

7:06 AM. Waking up. Not dawn yet. Big yawn.

Dreamed of catnip and balls of yarn.

7:12 AM. An inspection of the outside from the back of the couch. Flying lunches are out and about raiding the feeders. If I was out there right now....

7:17 AM. Okay, what's the optimum amount of time to go upstairs and tell the staff to hurry up?

7:21 AM. Sounds from upstairs indicate the staff should be down shortly. It's about time, I've been up a whole quarter hour and haven't had breakfast yet.

7:25 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, staff. Now then, priorities: I have not yet been fed.

7:26 AM. Reminding the staff of my particular wishes for breakfast. None of them involve those field rations she persists in putting down for me.

7:28 AM. A plate of chicken and a bowl of milk. I approve of this.

I do not approve of the bowl of field rations.

I sigh, and set to work eating what I want.

7:30 AM. I have finished with my breakfast, and have ignored the field rations. I shall leave the staff to have her breakfast in peace and quiet.

7:43 AM. The staff is on her way out the door and off to that "work" place she insists on going to most days of the week. I remind her not to forget milk on her way home.

7:45 AM. The staff has departed the property for the day.

What to do with my time? Aside from plan my next nap.

7:51 PM. Somewhere off in the distance I can hear the barking of that foul hound from down the road.

Idiot mutt.

8:31 AM. Sitting on the windowsill, eyes closed, contemplating what's most important in....

.... and broken out of my musings by the barking of a dog.

Eyes open.

It's that damned dog from down the road.

On my property!

8:32 AM. Cursing and hissing and making a fuss. Yelling at the dog and telling him off. And true to form he's got a confused look on his face. He finally turns around and leaves.

Idiot!!!!

8:34 AM. The dog has left the property.

Note to self: when spring comes, have a word with the skunk about teaching him some manners.

8:40 AM. Well, that's enough for now. I think I deserve a nap.

10:58 AM. Waking up out of a well earned nap. Feeling a bit hungry.

11:00 AM. Oh, right. There's only field rations out in the open at the moment.

What to do, what to do...

11:03 AM. Despite much reservation and soul searching, I have sated my hunger with some of the field rations.

11:05 AM. Watching a bit of television. Endless commercials with Christmas is coming written all over them. Well, as long as the human hasn't invited her idiot relations with those idiot kids....

This is my house, after all, and I shouldn't have to spend five days in bolt holes hiding from little brats who want to spend their time chasing me and yelling "kitty" ten thousand times over.

1:29 PM. Barking from down the road. It's that idiot mutt barking at the mailman.

Honestly, he's just doing his job.

5:26 PM. The staff comes home. Well then, staff, have you remembered to bring milk?

6:31 PM. Dinner with the staff. She's made bacon and apple pancakes, which I approve of.

7:21 PM. Watching the staff moving boxes into the living room. 

Boxes marked Christmas stuff.

So it begins.

8:36 PM. The staff has put up the Christmas tree and decorated it. And all of the other Christmas decorations are out. Looking at all the ornaments.

I must kill them.

9:35 PM. Keeping an eye on the Christmas tree. Planning routes of ascent.

11:40 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff. If by chance you hear a tremendous crash from downstairs during the night...

.... I will have had nothing to do with the Christmas tree falling over.