That Old Loan Shark Scam

It is fair to say that they can't take a hint. They can't just give up this way of life and find an honest way to make a living. They persist in going through life sending random emails to people trying to get them to believe their scam story. They leave random comments on blogs, determined to get some attention, having nothing to do with the blog in question, but with the purpose of spamming their product. I speak, of course, of homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus, the vile horde otherwise known as internet scammers and spammers. The following is a comment that has made it past the spam filters in recent days here and over in my photo blog. Not for long, because they were cast back into spam and then deleted.

I was so devastated when my business was going down due to financial situation until I found Mr Pedro and his working loan company website then I contacted them via Email

 then I was given a terms and conditions on how there loans works, I was happy because they willing to fund my business with the amount of 86,000.00 Pounds with a loan repayment of 2% annual return to expand my business. The whole process was so transparent and swift. Gracias.
I will recommend them as professional loan lenders.

There have been various names attached to these comments, which run along the same lines, and have the same name associated with them- Mr Pedro. I'm accustomed to your standard Cancer Widow spam. But this is the first time I've been caught up in loan shark spam. Because that's what it is. A loan shark. Not a loan lender.

The name attached to this one is an odd one- Nazgul Williams. 

Nazgul. Really. Same name as the ghostly henchmen of Sauron in the Lord of the Rings.

Oh, sure, that's believable. That's the sort of name one wants to go through life with.

Our guy does some of the same other patented spammer nonsense. Spelling mistakes (it's their, not there). The big offer that's too good to be true (because it is). The desperate but brief story of how their business was going downhill until they found Mr. Pedro.

Yeah, right. First, I'll be honest. Pedro is not the sort of name I'd find great confidence in for a business. It's like the Spanish version of Billy Bob. And second, for an actual loan, one goes to an actual bank.

Nice try, dumbass. But I'm wise to your ways and know better. But since I've decided Pedro (or whatever his name actually is) is a loan shark, perhaps it's time that Pedro and his sock puppets should do us all a favour and meet the real thing.

You'll be the main course for those sharks, Pedro.

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And as always with these, the cat must have the last word in all things.

7:00 AM. Waking up. Taking a big stretch. Slept well. Dreamed of wandering through acres of catnip.

7:04 AM. An inspection of the exterior from the back of the couch notes the presence of flying lunches pecking around on the grass. If I was out there right now, you wouldn't feel so comfortable.

7:12 AM. Waiting patiently on the staff to get downstairs and see to making my breakfast. After all, catering to my needs and whims is part of her entire role in the world.

7:20 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, staff, I was this close to sending out a search party.

7:21 AM. Making my orders clear in regards to breakfast with the staff. Now then, staff, how many times must I remind you that I am not in favour of field rations? This is a big thing that you seem to be missing out on. 

7:23 AM. The staff puts down a bowl of milk and a plate of chicken for me. And a bowl of field rations.

The things I put up with....

7:25 AM. Finished with breakfast. The milk and chicken were to my satisfaction. I have ignored the field rations entirely. I shall leave my staff to have her breakfast in peace.

7:28 AM. Sitting on the back of the couch, staring outside. Somewhere off in the distance, I can hear the deranged barking of that foul mutt from down the road.

7:35 AM. The staff is on her way out the door to go to that work place she persists in going to. Farewell, staff. Don't forget the milk on your way home.

7:37 AM. The staff has left the property in the car. I have myself to amuse for the time being.

8:01 AM. Watching the Weather Channel. They're advising that a thunder storm will blow through here in the night. Good. I like thunder.

8:10 AM. Seeing as how I've already been up for a whole hour, it is time, I think, to take a well earned nap.

10:45 AM. Sharpening my nails on the scratching post.

11:56 AM. Feeling a bit peckish. Let's see what there is to eat. Off to the kitchen.

11:57 AM. Oh, right. Just field rations left out in the open. Damn.

12:00 PM. Despite my reservations, I had some of the field rations to tide me over.

1:31 PM. Looking out the front windows. The mailman is dropping off stuff at the box and driving away.

I wonder how much that idiot dog down the road barked at him.

5:22 PM. The staff comes home. Well, staff, did you remember the milk?

6:28 PM. Dinner with the staff. She has cut up some steak for me. For whatever reason, she insists on having hers with vegetables. To each their own.

8:21 PM. A loud clap of thunder outside. Let the games begin.

9:45 PM Watching the storm outside from the back of the couch. This is oddly soothing.

11:27 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff. Sleep well. But keep the bedroom door open. I need to be walking on top of you in three hours.

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once again for the point of view of the dog and the cat. As always, I begin with the dog, who gets distracted so easily by everything.

7:00 AM. Waking up. Had good dreams. I was chasing a squirrel.

7:03 AM. A look outside at what's what and who's who. Some birds pecking around at the ground. No sign of a squirrel. Or a mailman.

7:07 AM. Waiting on the human to get downstairs and see to my breakfast. After all, I am a dog, and we lack the opposable thumbs needed to open cupboard doors.

7:14 AM. The human comes downstairs. I begin to vigorously thump my tail against the floor. Good morning, human!

7:16 AM. Waiting on the human as she pours me a big bowl of kibbles.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy....

7:17 AM. Have finished off breakfast. Licking my chops. That was good.

7:22 AM. Making inquiries with the human as to if she'll let me out for a run. Come on, human, it's going to be a hot day, and I want to be back before it's too hot.

7:23 AM. Out the back door and on my way. See you later, human!

7:32 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off, as happy as I can be. Woof!

7:50 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hey, Spike!

7:51 AM. After customary doggie greetings, Spike and I set to discuss matters of great importance.

7:55 AM. Spike says his human said there's another storm coming tonight. I hope that doesn't involve too much in the way of lightning, Spike. I don't like lightning.

8:04 AM. Spike and I part ways for the day. See you later!

8:11 AM. Making my way through the woods, splashing in the stream. Feels nice and cool.

8:26 AM. Coming home. Barking to let the human know I'm back. Human! It is I! Loki, Annoyer of Mailmen and Chewer of Slippers.

8:27 AM. The human intercepts me with the Towel of Torment before I can slip inside. Foiled again!

Human! There is no such thing as wet dog smell.

10:35 AM. Mooching a cookie off the human while she's having coffee.

12:17 PM. The human is having lunch. I have convinced her to give me a ham and cheese sandwich.

1:30 PM. Barking at the mailman from the front windows as he drops stuff off and drives away.

You're evil! You hear me? I'm onto you!

6:37 PM. Dinner with the human. She's made pancakes, and has been good enough to cut a couple up for me.

8:21 PM. Stirred out of my reverie in the living room by the loud clap of thunder. Human? If you need me, I'll be in the basement.

9:40 PM. Pacing around in the basement. At least it's not so loud down here. That's one big storm out there. Maybe it'll do me a favour and drown the mailman.

11:19 PM. The human is off to bed. The storm has ended. Very well, human, but keep the door open. If we get more storms in the night, I'm hiding under your bed.