Internet Scams And Other Disasters

They have never heard of giving up, going away, and finding an honest way to make a living. I speak, of course, of that vile, repugnant form of life otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus, who plague our blogs with Cambodian sports spam or desperate attempts to get clicks on their own pointless blog (Rajani Rehana, I'm looking at you) or sends us emails with pointless drivel that anyone with a working brain can see through.

The following recently came through to my junk email folder, with the usual bells and whistles showing this to be your standard internet scammer.

ATTENTION:

I am Mr. David Wilson Head of Inspection Unit United Nations Inspection Agency in Harts field-Jackson International Airport Atlanta, Georgia. During our investigation, I discovered An abandoned shipment through a Diplomat from the United Kingdom which was transferred from JF Kennedy Airport. To our facility here in Atlanta, and when scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of money in 2 Metal Trunk Boxes weighing approximately 110kg each. The consignment was abandoned because the Content was not properly declared by the consignee as money rather it was declared as a personal Effect/classified document to either avoid diversion by the Shipping Agent or confiscation by the relevant authorities.

The diplomat's inability to pay for Non Inspection fees among other things are the reason why the consignment is delayed and abandoned. By my assessment, each of the boxes contains about $4M or more. They are still left in the airport storage facility till today. The Consignments like I said are two metal trunk boxes weighing about 110kg each (Internal dimension: W61 x H156 x D73 (cm) effective Capacity: 680 L) Approximately. The details of the consignment including your name and email on the official document from the United Nations' office in London where the shipment was tagged as personal effects/classified document is still available with us. As it stands now, you have to reconfirm your Full name, Phone Number, full address so I can cross-check and see if it corresponds with the one on the official documents.Email directly to:
davidwilson1789011@gmail.com for immediate attention

It is now left to you to decide if you still need the consignment or allow us to repatriate it back to the UK (place of origin) as we were instructed. Like I did say again, the shipper abandoned it and ran away most importantly because he gave a false declaration, he could not pay for the yellow tag, he could not secure a valid non inspection document(s), etc. I am ready to assist you in any way I can for you to get back this package provided you will also give me something out of it (financial gratification). You can either come in person, or you engage the services of a secure shipping/delivery Company/agent that will provide the necessary security. That is required to deliver the package to your doorstep or the destination of your choice. I need all the guarantees that I can get from you before I can get involved in this project.

Sincerely,
David Wilson,
Head Officer-in-Charge,
CONTACT EMAIL:
davidwilson1789011@gmail.com

Now then, a look at the name David Wilson and Hartsfield-Jackson airport online finds that whoever this guy really is (because his name isn't David Wilson), he's been doing this for years. The same form letter email features prominently in various sites warning about scammers. So in the tradition of the Cancer Widow, Unethical Banker, and Deposed Beloved Tyrant, here we have the Non-Existent Airport Inspector. 

If he really worked at Hartsfield-Jackson, he'd know it's not Harts field-Jackson, for starters. This scammer has many of the hallmarks of the internet scammer who doesn't really have a solid grasp of the English language. He capitalizes letters that don't need it and employs the old United Nations abandoned shipment scam (which has its own set of warnings online, as it's also a well known scam).

He spins the tale of two trunk boxes with millions of dollars inside, repeating pointless details like their weight and dimension. He says that the shipper "abandoned it and ran away most importantly"- as if that's a phrase anyone with a command of the English language would use. And he asks for contact information so he can verify if my name matches that on the documentation. All while writing in that overly formal way that suggests our boy doesn't speak English as a first language at all, but is running this nonsense through translation software.

Nice try, scumbag, but this is all too familiar to me, and frankly, I know better.

Honestly, if making an honest living is such a difficult thing for you to do, why not follow some advice from my spirit animal?