Rise Of The Internet Scammer

They are the damned. The lost to us all. The cursed and the accursed. The hopeless. I speak of course of the legions of spammers and scammers out there infesting our junk email and our junk comments. They never take a hint. We don't publish their comments. And if they somehow do get past the filters, we delete them promptly. But it doesn't stop them. As they've proven endless times, after all, they're really stupid, even commenting on posts just like this that insult and belittle them.

I've had quite a bit of internet scammer material coming into my email junk folders as of late- so much so that some of it vanished recently, as it was older than a cut off point at which Outlook automatically deletes it. A bit of a shame, as one of them claimed to be from William Barr (aka Trump's stooge), and I wanted to write an entire paragraph disparaging that asshole in the strongest terms. Oh, well, stooge and asshole will have to do. Anyway, this one was still in place. Many of the usual internet scammer tell tales are there, as you can see.

Dear Our Valued Customer,

RE: TRANSFER OF YOUR US$29,600,000.00 DOLLARS FUND

Sir, Thank you for your response we just want to prove our credibility

and sincerity to you and clear your mind that TRANSFER CHARGES will be

deducted from the  US$29,600,000.00 DOLLARS as soon as is the Account is

ACTIVATED.

All you to do is just to REACTIVATE this account with the sum of $960

only because is DORMANT now.

However, you would be required to fill complete the transfer form and

provide to us all the necessary information stipulated on the form below and

return back to us immediately to enable us proceed with the transfer of your

Inheritance fund into your bank account without any delay

Your Full Name:

Your Contact Address:

Your Phone Number:

Your Age/Occupation:

Next of Kin Name & Address:

Nationality:

Scan copy of your Identification:

Bank Name:

Account Holders Name:

Bank Address:

Account Holders Name:

Bank Account Number:

Routine Number:

Swift Code:

Bank Phone Number:

We are waiting your immediate response with your information to enable

this bank proceeds with the transfer of your fund and serve you better.

Thank you for Choosing Branch Banking & Trust Company.

Yours Faithfully,

Mr. Clarke R. Starnes

Chief Operating Officer Branch Banking & Trust Company.

Variations of this one show up repeatedly, though I think this is the first time I've seen the name they're using. As it turns out I looked it up. There is a Branch Banking & Trust Company (which surprised me, since it sounded utterly fake) and a Clarke Starnes among its executives (another surprise, because that name sounded fake. One must wonder what they think of getting co-opted by scammers like this.

Because that's what our scamming scammer is. Capitalized letters where it's not needed, including entire words being capitalized (which in computer protocol equals screaming). Dangling a fortune in front of you. Terms like Dear Our Valued Customer. 

Well, first off, jackass, I'm not your valued customer, since before I got this I never heard of the actual Branch Banking & Trust Company. And they, in writing to a real customer, would use the customer's bloody name.

The scamming scammer uses the promise of 29.6 million dollars as a hook. Supposedly an inheritance. Unlike most internet scammers, this twit actually comes straight out and mentions the inevitable fee- $960 to reactivate an account. If you're dumb enough to click or reply to such scams, at some point the scammer will bring up those activation or advance fees to get the money out of his war torn/ disaster hit/ Godzilla slammed country that was overthrown by the late general/ president/ spawn of Satan. But this one actually brings up the fee straight out.

That money, of course, is, if you buy the scam, the only money that will actually change hands, as the scammer vanishes after pocketing that once or twice. Three times for the truly gullible. He asks for all that personal information (that a real bank would have). Oh, yes, I want my personal information and identity in the hands of an internet scammer. What's the worst that can happen, right?

Nice try, genius. You might get more luck from one of the other five hundred thousand people you've sent this bullshit to. Me? I'd rather have you explain why you go through life trying to scam people to... oh, let's say....

This guy.