Unleash An Army Of Internet Scammers

Another year dawns, but the spammers and scammers can't make a New Year's resolution to hold their breath for an hour. No matter how many times we tell spammers that we're not remotely interested in their spam about whatever pile of crap they're trying to spam, no matter how many times our spam folders automatically catch their comments... they never take the hint. Such is the same with the internet scammers, who send out emails to hundreds of thousands of different email accounts hoping for that one person who'll be enough of a sucker to take the bait. Such is the case with the following that came into my email back in December, complete with a second email address in the header that had nothing at all to do with the one listed here....

Attention Beneficiary

This is to officially inform you that we have verified your contract / inheritance file and found out that why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled the obligations given to you in respect of your fund.

Secondly we have been informed that you are still dealing with none officials in the bank and even dealing with fraudsters and this was why all your attempts to secure the release of your fund are still in vain. We wish to advise you that such an illegal act has to stop if you want to receive your payment since we have decided to bring a solution to your problems in receiving the fund. You are now going to receive your funds through Online Banking. To receive your funds through online banking, you need to reply back with your information as urgent as possible to ensure you are the true beneficiary.

Once again, you have to stop hence your further communication with any other person(s) or office(s) regarding this transaction, this is to avoid any hitches in finalizing your payment. The transfer of your total sum of $10, 800.000.00 will be affected as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Kendrick D. Lugan

Tel/ +229-9806-4444

Email/( boa2c@yahoo.com.vn )

Where to start with this one? Well, at the beginning. Attention beneficiary? Who says that? Our friend the totally fake Kendrick D. Lugan claims that they've verified my contract/ inheritance file. Well, which is it? I mean, I know it's fake either way, but make up your bloody mind when you write these bloody emails. One or the other, jackass, not both. 

He phrases it as 'found out that why you have not yet received your payment is because you have not fulfilled the obligations given to you in respect of your fund.' Written like someone who doesn't have a formal command of the English language and who thinks that writing it as formally as possible sounds right. Guess what? It doesn't.

There are the usual tell-tales. The capitalizing words that don't need it. The punctuation (or lack of punctuation) that sticks out like a sore thumb. The dangling an insane amount of money (which doesn't actually exist) routine in front of me hoping I'm dumb enough to buy into the scam. He says, 'we have been informed that you are still dealing with none officials in the bank and even dealing with fraudsters and this is why all your attempts to secure the release of your fund are still in vain.'

"None" officials? Are you sure you know what that word means? Because to quote Inigo Montoya, I do not think it means what you think it means. And to also quote the great swordsman....

As for that bit about claiming I'm dealing with fraudsters, well the only fraudsters in this equation are the dumbass scammers who sent this bloody email in the first place and who are claiming that all my attempts 'to secure the release of your fund are still in vain.' 

Listen, Jackass McRatface, I haven't made any such attempts, because there are no actual funds of 10.8 million bucks waiting for me that I wasn't even aware existed. As for your claim that 'such an illegal act has to stop if you are to receive your payment'- I find it hilarious that a bloody criminal such as yourself trying to fleece the gullible actually brings up the words illegal act. The illegal act, you insufferable simpleton, is being committed by you.

Nice try, "Doctor" Kendrick Lugan. I put that in quotes, because let's face it, you're not a real doctor. And I find it hilarious that you list a phone number that supposedly originates in Georgia, while listing your email address here too. With a internet code, vt, indicating Vietnam. Right, sure, because when I think on the up and up, I think of Vietnam.

That's a hell of a long way from Georgia. Or wherever on the planet you actually are, because really? It's going to wind up being neither of the above.

Maybe you'll get lucky and someone on that list of five hundred thousand email addresses you're sending this crap to will be dumb enough to bite and take care of that "obligation" you mention- ie, the ten grand you're going to ask as a handling charge. Maybe they'll send it to you, actually expecting the money to come their way, and then wind up baffled when it doesn't show up. 

Or maybe the other 499 999 people on that list are just like me and know a scammer when they see one.

Do us all a favour. Go take a flying leap. Into a deep gorge.