It is time once again for the perspective of the dog and the cat. As always, the dog has the first say, before he gets distracted.
7:03 AM. Waking up at home. Yawning and
stretching. Still a bit dark out there. And here we’ve still got the better
part of a month before the first day of winter.
7:06 AM. Peering out the living room
windows at the semi darkness. Snow on the ground. Birds around the feeders.
Raring to get out there, but priorities must come first. Breakfast is essential
for all good dogs like me. And I am a
good dog. A very good dog.
7:08 AM. Waiting on the human to come
downstairs and see to my breakfast. After all, I can’t open the pantry door, as
often as I’ve tried it. Damn you, evolution, not giving us opposable thumbs! Oh
well, that’s why we’ve got humans around. That and giving us belly rubs.
Because I like belly rubs. Oh yes I do…
7:12 AM. ...And I like strolls through grassy
meadows too. And snowy fields. And chasing squirrels, because that’s both fun
and a service to the world, since as we all know, squirrels are evil. And I like
chewing on stew bones and destroying the latest squeaky toy my human brings
home…
7:15 AM. ....And how can I forget mentioning
how much I like riding in the car? Except when the ride involves a trip to the
vet. Because as we all know, vets are evil.
7:21 AM. The human comes downstairs. I wag
my tail furiously. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn’t it? It’s the kind of
day that makes me want to go out and chase squirrels. But before that, I need
some quick energy for the day, because it’s been nine whole hours since I ate,
and I’m famished. Okay then, how about we see to breakfast?
7:23 AM. Watching the human as she pours me
a big bowl of kibbles. Oh boy oh boy oh
boy…
7:24 AM. Licking my chops after finishing off breakfast. Seven seconds off my all-time quickest consumption of the morning meal.
7:27 AM. Asking the human if she might
kindly let me out the back door. After all, I’ve got things to do, people to
see, squirrels to chase…
7:29 AM. Out the back door and heading on
my run. See you later, human!
7:36 AM. Running through the back fields,
barking my head off, happy as I can be. You know, I could only be happier if I
found out that the vet and the mailman died in a head on collision this morning
out on the highway. I wonder if that would be big enough to make the news…
7:43 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the
Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!
7:45 AM. Spike and I have finished greeting
each other in the customary dog style and are catching up on things. He informs
me that he saw a squirrel outside his house this morning, but his humans were
still in bed, and he didn’t want to bark. Spike relates that it took great
mental discipline to refrain from barking. Well, I don’t know, Spike, I mean,
you might be able to do that, but nothing could stop me from barking my head
off under such circumstances.
7:51 AM. Spike and I discuss the deepening
cold. I think it’s going to be a long winter this time out, Spike, and it’s not
even officially winter yet. Well, time will tell.
7:54 AM. Spike and I go our separate ways,
promising to keep each other updated on movements of the enemy via the usual
barking call-line.
8:06 AM. Stopping at the property where the
cranky cat lives. Having a look around her property. No sign of her human’s
car. But there she is, in a window, glaring
at me. Oh, come on, what have I ever done to deserve that kind of hostility?
Aside from repeatedly barking her out of a sound sleep?
8:07 AM. Even at this distance, I can see
that the cat must be hissing obscenities at me. Discretion being the better
part of valour, I withdraw myself from the scene.
8:19 AM. Returning home. Barking to alert
the human to my presence. It is, Loki! Annoyer of Mailmen and Chewer of
Slippers!
8:22 AM. The human has let me back inside,
but only after a vigorous application of the Towel of Torment. Come on, human,
I didn’t roll around in that much snow. Well, I did, but that’s beside the
point.
12:06 PM. Left to my own devices at home.
The human went off to town to do some grocery shopping, and I am left to guard
the house. I see two problems with this situation. First, if she’s not back by
the time the mailman comes, I won’t be able to bark up a storm at him. And
second, and more importantly, it’s lunchtime and I have nobody to mooch from.
1:32 PM. Glaring out the front window as
the mailman drops off some mail at the box and drives away. Barking viciously.
How dare you show up while I’m inside and unable to come out and bark at you!
1:53 PM. Looking outside when my eyes fall
upon movement at the base of one of the bird feeders. It’s a squirrel! I start
barking my head off.
1:55 PM. Continuing to bark, but to no
avail. The squirrel is sitting on the windowsill outside, alternating between
staring at me and laughing his ass off.
4:09 PM. The human returns home. I express
my frustrations about not being able to bark at mailmen, not being able to
chase that damned squirrel, and not
having had any lunch.
6:38 PM. Dinner with the human. She’s cut
up some nice stewing beef for me. For whatever reason she likes having hers
with sprouts. I don’t know why, but humans are a strange kind of creature.
11:25 PM. The human is off to bed. Good
night, human, sleep well. I shall remain on guard down here in case that damned squirrel decides to peek inside
at four in the morning. In which case I shall be barking up a storm loud enough
to wake the dead.
That damned squirrel. LOL
ReplyDeleteIt is the bane of Loki's existence.
DeleteThis is so hilarious!
ReplyDeleteMy favourite: the dog, the smile, the picture!
Thanks!
DeleteI know you love cats BUT everyone of the photos today are Absolutely Fabulous ! You haven't lived till you have tried to pet puppy tummies while being attacked by a horde of wagging little ones. One of life's best moments.
ReplyDelete"I got my hair did' was adorable.
cheers, parsnip and badger
Thanks!
DeleteOh man. Where did you get these photos? These make me want to get a dog right this minute. It won't happen, but it is the thought that counts.
ReplyDeleteMost I tend to find here and there with certain search terms, like Beagle Memes, for example. I stash them away in a draft until I write up the text.
DeleteEvery single one of these is a crack-up! These are all so good. You really understand dogs.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteOK, I'm laughing now! Field rations and flying lunches. Oh, yes! I can relate!
ReplyDeleteSo glad I finally came over to your writing blog. I sort of knew it was there but didn't really process it! I'm following now!
Thanks!
Delete