A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once again for the perspective of the dog and the cat, and as always, the dog gets the first say.

7:08 AM. Waking up at home. Yawning and taking a stretch. Slept well. Dreamed of eating steak. I wonder if I can convince the human to grill some steak for dinner.

7:10 AM. Having a look outside. Clear weather and no humidity. That suits me fine. I’m not a fan of humidity to begin with. You pant too much, you get all mucky and hot, and that just leads to things like the human giving you a bath and then applying the Towel of Torment to you.

7:15 AM. The human comes downstairs. I wag my tail in greetings. Hello, human! Fine day, isn’t it? Say, I don’t know about you, but I could really use some breakfast right about now. Have you put any thought into that?

7:18 AM. Watching in anticipation as the human pours kibbles into my bowl. Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy…

7:19 AM. Licking my lips after finishing off my breakfast. That was good!

7:21 AM. Inquiring with the human as to if she might let me out for a run.

7:22 AM. Out the door and on my way for my morning walkabout. See you later, human!

7:37 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off at the birds and the clouds and everything else I see, as happy as I can be. Woof woof woof!

7:42 AM. Stopped on a path in the woods. Big turtle walking ahead of me. Now then, options. I could just turn around and go the way I came. I could be patient. Or I could go left or right. The problem with going left or right and going off the trail is that I might end up brushing up against poison ivy, and that’s not a good thing. 

7:45 AM. Still waiting for the turtle, who seems to be taking his time. Come on, man, some of us don’t have all day, you know.

7:54 AM. After much internal debate, I have decided to turn around and find another route through the woods. The turtle having had only advanced twenty metres in twelve minutes has pretty much made the decision for me.

8:03 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent. Hello, Spike!

8:04 AM. After greeting each other in customary canine fashion- the sniffing of hindquarters- Spike and I confer on the truly critical issues of the day. The movements of the squirrels. The schedule of the mailman. Our disdain for the vet.

8:06 AM. Spike and I discuss our gratitude at being out in the country. Far away from any places setting off fireworks like they did a few days ago in town for Canada Day. Yes, the terrible book bang bright light noise things. Almost as bad as thunderstorms if you ask me.

8:09 AM. Spike and I go our separate ways. He promises to alert me as to when the mailman stops by at his place. Well, that’s assuming he has mail for your humans today, of course. And in an ideal world, the mailman will have been buried in a landslide somewhere.

8:28 AM. On my way home. Pausing near the property where that cranky cat lives. Should I say hello?

8:30 AM. Advancing across the lawn. Spotted the cat dozing on a windowsill on the ground floor. Okay. So how do I do this?

8:32 AM. I could just walk away and leave the cat undisturbed, but where’s the fun of that? I commit myself to the course of action and let out one big woof. The cat bolts upright, totally startled, and sees me out here and starts hissing. I wag my tail and grin in my usual goofy way. And then I turn around and walk away. My good deed for the day is done.

8:46 AM. Returning home. Barking to let the human know that I’m back.

8:47 AM. The human lets me in after a visual check to confirm that I haven’t been rolling around in the mud or splashing in a creek. Come on, human, I can behave myself, you know. Just as long as you don’t ask the mailman or the vet or the town mayor or that cranky cat down the road, because whatever they say, it’s all lies and misdirection.

9:02 AM. Circling around on the living room floor precisely three times before settling down to a morning nap.

12:08 PM. Mooching a couple of dinner rolls off the human while she’s having lunch. Yum yum yum!

1:29 PM. Barking my head off at the mailman as he dares once again to leave mail in the mailbox and drive away. Get lost! Don’t ever come back!

6:38 PM. Dinner with the human. Dreams do come true! She’s been grilling steak out on the barbecue and cut some bite sized chunks for me. Oh, human, did I mention lately that I love you?

8:47 PM. Lying on the living room floor, contemplating the great mysteries of life. Wondering if that cranky cat from down the road might seek some measure of payback on me for that little startling her awake thing I did today. Well, if it happens, it happens. 

11:29 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! Sleep well. Do keep the door open, because if there’s a bump in the night down here that I can’t explain, I’m totally rushing up those stairs and cowering beneath your bed.