Revenge Of The Scammer Horde

Of course they never take a hint. The spammers try to post nonsense spam on our posts, and most of the time spam filters kick that nonsense straight into the purgatory of spam folders where they belong, as opposed to publishing. Sometimes those spam comments insult our actual readers. Often spammers try to post endless times on the same post, so the effect over time is that a single post might have thousands more views than others. They never seem to understand that even if they do get a comment published, it won't stay that way for long.

And then there are the internet scammers. This email appeared in my junk email a few days ago.

Email:jasonhammond15@onet.pl Dear Confidant My name is Jason Hammond, a professional engineer who is interested in establishing some capital investments within and outside our country, but with your assistance and expertise. We would be happy to work with your esteemed person or company in this capacity. We solicit your partnership in a multi million dollars bid repayment proposal for contract in Iraq I shall offer you more details when I am in receipt of your acceptance/consent email. I shall also let you know the following * How I will introduce you/your company to the holding Ministry and make you the beneficiary of the funds. * Who I am and why I have decided to sought for your assistance. *What percentage of the money I am willing to give you for your assistance. Kindly respond with your private phone and fax numbers for easier and faster communication. We would appreciate if you send a positive response to us on engineercole15@gmail.com to enable us send you full details of the contract bid.Only when we hear from you in this box we know you are serious to deal. Jason Hammond 

Where to begin? Well, with the email addresses. The two listed do not correspond to the one that was  used to send this nonsense to me in the first place. That one was fahim@luckytextilemills.biz. Oh, sure, that sounds legitimate. Because when I think of organizations on the proverbial up-and-up, biz happens to be part of their title. 

More like that's what you'd expect to see out of a used car dealer. Lucky Eddie, Used Cars Biz: Trust Us For Your Next Ride. Which should actually read Lucky Eddie, Used Cars Biz: We're Going To Take You For A Ride.

If you google Jason Hammond, it's a commonly used name for internet scammers on various email letters. Which makes you feel sorry for anyone actually named Jason Hammond. He claims to be a professional engineer, and of course there are the usual tell tales of a scammer- shifting back and forth between the singluar "who is" and the plural "within and outside our country". He claims that he wants to enlist my "assistance and expertise" for a "multi million dollars bid repayment proposal for contract in Iraq". There are the usual punctuation issues- missing periods, the use of an asterix repeatedly- and the usual capitalized words that don't require them, not to mention spacing issues in sentences. And of course, like usual, it's all a line of bull.

"Only when we hear from you in this box we know you are serious to deal." Dear Jason, or to be precise, whatever the hell your real name is- what the hell does that mean? No one who actually speaks English says that. And I hate to point this out to you, but I don't have a fax number. Who the hell uses fax machines anyway? Aside from office managers who think Betamax is going to make a comeback?

And even if you were real (you're not, we've pretty much established that), why on earth would I want to get involved in a business deal involving Iraq? I wouldn't. Iraq's in the list of ten countries I would never want to visit, thank you very much, and let's face it, it's not going to be a stable place to be in for years to come. 

Nice try, dumbass. 

Maybe someone else would buy this con you're sending out to hundreds of thousands of random emails, but I'm not biting.

In an ideal world we could have you sent to Iraq. 

With a one way ticket.

And dropped into the middle of it from the plane.

Without a parachute.