A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And now it is the turn of Her Grace the cat to have her say..,

7:12 AM. Waking up at home. Slept well. Dreamed of a pantry full of catnip.

7:15 AM. Sitting on the back of the couch looking outside. Gazing out into my domain in the dawn light. Fresh snow in the night. Flying lunches going about their usual business. Wishing I was out there right now chasing them.

7:19 AM. Looking up at the ceiling. Come on, staff, how long does it take to shower? If you did it the way cats do it, it would be far more efficient. I’m just saying.

7:27 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs after taking her sweet time getting ready for the day. It is about time, staff. Now then, priorities! Breakfast must be seen to, and since you weren’t awake a half hour ago to put it in the fridge, I shall have to forego my preference for my morning plate to be lightly chilled before serving. You and I are going to have to have a serious discussion on that one of these days, because you’re falling behind in that department…

7:28 AM. …and no more field rations! Are we clear? I don’t like field rations, so stop pouring a bowl of them…. Wait, what are you doing? I just told you not to pour a bowl of field rations, and there you are, doing precisely that!

7:29 AM. The staff puts my breakfast down on the floor. The bowl of milk is welcome, as is the plate of chicken. But of course she persists in setting down a bowl of field rations beside them. Oh, staff, I am going to have to do a better job in updating your training.

7:30 AM. Finished breakfast. Licking my lips. I have left the field rations behind and am satisfied with the rest. I shall leave the staff in peace and quiet to get her breakfast seen to. Though it baffles me as to why anyone would spoil a perfectly good bowl of milk with that cereal stuff.

7:34 AM. Sitting on the back of the couch, supervising my property outside. Somewhere in the distance I can hear the sounds of barking from that annoying mutt down the road. I will never understand the purpose of dogs in this world.

7:43 AM. Bidding farewell to the staff as she heads out for the day to that work place she goes to. Now then, staff, don’t waste time when you’re done for the day. I fully expect to be spoiled rotten at every opportunity, do I make myself clear?

7:45 AM. Watching the staff depart in her car. Musing on options as to what to do with my day. Naps will be foremost on the agenda.

8:08 AM. Looking at the calendar. Oh, great, that idiotic set the clocks forward nonsense of daylight saving time is due on the weekend. Which leaves my staff grouchy for the next day or two or eight. I don’t care for it myself. Why humans subject themselves to clock switching buffoonery twice a year is a mystery.

9:31 AM. A nap is in order. This kitty needs some good recharging time that a solid nap brings. 

12:04 PM. Waking up from my nap. Slept well. No disturbances by irritating dogs barking at my windows, which is a good thing.

12:07 PM. Coming into the kitchen. Inspecting my bowls. Ah, yes, I finished my milk and chicken this morning.

That means all that’s left are those field rations.

12:08 PM. With much reluctance, I eat field rations.

12:50 PM. Musing on the great questions of philosophy. If Sinatra was up at quarter to three and talking about his problems to a guy named Joe, would it have made more sense for him to be saying these things to a cat?

1:38 PM. I can hear the angry barking of that foul hound down the road. A look at the clock confirms the mailman must be in the vicinity.

2:47 PM. Launching an all-out attack on the scratching post. Inadvertently unleashing residual scents of catnip while doing so. Uh oh… that’s going to unleash a catnip craze in me in approximately five, four, three….

4:51 PM. Waking up from my catnip craze induced nap, feeling dazed. How did I get up on top of the piano?

5:19 PM. Taking note of the return of the staff as her car pulls into the driveway. Oh, good, she can spoil me rotten now.

5:20 PM. Greeting the staff as she comes inside. Hello, staff. It’s about time you got home. Now, for the record, I have no idea how the ottoman got knocked over.

5:52 PM. The staff is busy preparing dinner. I smell ground beef. Of which I approve.

6:48 PM. The staff has provided me with a bowl of ground beef. This is much to my approval. She’s having hers with lasagna. For whatever reason, she isn’t letting me have the lasagna. Come on, staff, Garfield has been eating lasagna for forty years, and he’s still alive. Well, in a manner of speaking.

7:34 PM. The staff has the television on. The answer is, “who is Genghis Khan, Alex.”

8:29 PM. Out of the goodness of my feline heart, I am allowing the staff to give me a belly rub. And because I’m in such a good mood, I won’t even attack her hand after three strokes.

11:29 PM. The staff is off to bed. Very well, staff. Good night. Sleep well. But do keep the door open. After all, I do like to be able to walk all over you at three in the morning, and it’s a bit of a nuisance when the door’s closed.