A Day In The Life Of A Cat

The cat always has the last word, and so it is time for her perspective.

6:57 AM. Waking up at home. Taking a big stretch. Slept well. Dreamed of vast fields of catnip.

7:00 AM. Staring outside at the vastness of my domain. Brooding and deep in thought. Flying lunches are out on my lawn, chattering amongst themselves. Some are no doubt debating when to start the journey south. Others are comparing notes on which house has the best feeders over the winter. For my part, I find my tail twitching at the thought of being out there right about now…

7:06 AM. Wondering what’s taking the staff so long to wake up for. This being a weekend, she is responsible for indulging my every whim at all times, after all. 

7:10 AM. Coming up the stairs. Fortunately, the door to her room- well, my room, because let’s face it, this is my house- is open. 

7:11 AM. Hopping up on the bed. She’s still sound asleep. Meowing and batting a paw at her nose.

7:12 AM. The staff grumbles and opens her eyes. Yes, wake up, staff. It’s breakfast time, and I expect it done and in my belly at your earliest opportunity.

7:14 AM. Having had ensured that the staff is not just going to go back to sleep, I head downstairs.

7:23 AM. The staff comes downstairs. There we go, see? You need me to be your own personal alarm clock on the weekend, because if not for me, you’d sleep in until whenever you like. And as we all know, sleeping in beyond regular hours is a cat thing to do.

7:26 AM. The staff has fixed my breakfast and is placing it on the floor. A plate of tuna and a bowl of milk meet with my approval. The bowl of field rations, however, continues to perplex me. Why does my staff keep providing me with that when she knows I don’t care for field rations?

7:27 AM. Settling into breakfast. Feeling content.

7:33 AM. Leaving the staff to get herself into the day with peace and quiet. She’s let me out the door, and I intend to make the most of it. The frost seems to be drying up on the grass, anyway, and that’s a good thing. Lots of fall colours out there. I could just sit here and doze for a little while, or I could take a walk.

7:44 AM. Walking in the woods. Somewhere nearby I can hear the barking of that demented dog.

8:00 AM. Have come across the dog in a clearing, splashing around in a big mud puddle, acting as if he hasn’t got a care in the world. He hasn’t noticed me. As long as my nine lives last, I will never understand the purpose of dogs.

8:03 AM. Withdrawing from the scene before that idiot hound splashes mud onto me. Mud takes forever to get out of fur, after all. Unless you’re subjected to a bath from a lower life form like a human, but let’s not get into that.

8:28 AM. Returning home. Jumping up onto a windowsill to attract the attention of the staff. Meowing insistently to be let back in.

8:29 AM. The staff finally lets me back in. Staff? If you ever get it into your head to get a dog, I will be exceedingly annoyed with you. 

10:47 AM. Waking up from a nap. Now where did my sun puddle go?

12:11 PM. The staff is having lunch. I have coaxed her into giving me some slices of roast beef. Very good, staff, very good indeed.

1:03 PM. Scratching at my scratching post has unleashed the residual scent of catnip. Going into a catnip frenzy. The staff, reading a book, is looking at me as if I’ve just lost my mind. To be fair, staff, cats do temporarily lose control of their faculties and self-control while on a catnip frenzy, and therefore cannot be held responsible for the damage that they…. Shred! Kill! Destroy!

1:24 PM. Coming down from my catnip frenzy. The staff asks if I enjoyed that. Of course I did. Now if you’ll excuse me, a nap is in order.

4:36 PM. Waking up from my nap. Taking a big stretch. Naps are an essential part of every healthy cat’s day, after all.

5:50 PM. Supervising the staff while she’s making dinner. I smell meat.

6:15 PM. For dinner, the staff has thoughtfully provided us both with omelet. Extra ham for me. Very good, staff, very good indeed.

6:32 PM. Supervising the staff while she washes the dishes. Staff do require close supervision, after all. If not for cats, they'd never get anything done.

8:29 PM. Have successfully usurped a place on the staff’s lap where she just had her book. Purring to make up for the inconvenience.

11:29 PM. The staff is off to bed. Very well, staff, but remember: keep the door open. If I wish to come in at four in the morning, I don’t want to be meowing at a closed door. It’s inconvenient for you, it’s inconvenient for me. Mostly for me.