A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once again for the point of view of the dog and the cat, starting as always, with that of the hound...

7:23 AM. Waking up at home. Slept well. Had strange dreams. Was engaged in a debate with a cat over the issue of the meaning of the tail and the nuances and differences between feline and canine tail body language.

7:25 AM. Staring out the window at the yard. Nice and sunny this morning. Good, we’ve had enough rain lately. I see those robins are out there picking at the grass for some reason. Hey! Did I give you permission to do that?

7:28 AM. The human comes downstairs. Well, hello there, human! Fine day, isn’t it? Say, have you given any thought to breakfast? Because it’s been ten hours since I last had anything to eat, and that’s a whole lot of time for a doggie to work up an appetite.

7:30 AM. The human has provided me with a big bowl of kibbles. I dive right in.

7:31 AM. Licking my chops in the aftermath of finishing off breakfast. About five seconds off my all time fastest time eating breakfast, but we can remedy that sooner or later. As they say, tomorrow is another day.

7:34 AM. Say, human? How about you let me out for a run? I could use the exercise, and I want to have some words with those robins out there.

7:35 AM. Out the door and barking at the robins, who all scatter to the trees. 

7:42 AM. Running through the back fields, barking at the sky, happy as a lark. Wait a minute, happy as a lark? What does that expression even mean?

7:51 AM. Stopping in my tracks in the woods. Black and white shape up ahead coming my way. Oh, no... not the skunk!

7:52 AM. Sitting perfectly still, off the trail, watching the skunk approach. Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just out for my morning stroll. Please, please, please, I say again please don’t spray me. That would result in endless tomato juice baths, and I hate those....

7:53 AM. The skunk stands there staring at me as if deciding whether or not she wants to ruin my day.

7:54 AM. After much tense suspense, the skunk has gone on her way. I breathe a deep sigh of relief.

8:03 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

8:04 AM. Spike and I exchange greetings in the customary canine fashion, and then begin to chat. I relate my near miss with that skunk in the woods.

8:05 AM. Spike muses that skunks enjoy holding it over the heads of any other animals that they can spray us and totally ruin our day. If not our week. He says that my staying perfectly still was the right way to handle things.

8:10 AM. Spike and I agree to keep each other up to date on any sightings of the squirrels through the bark line. Well, see you later, Spike. I’d better get home. My human does require supervision on a regular basis, after all, and I shouldn’t be late.

8:22 AM. Returning home. Barking to alert the human to my return. Human! It is I, Loki, Annoyer of Mailmen and Chewer of Slippers!

8:23 AM. The human opens the back door. I trot right inside. Human, you’d be so proud of me. I managed not to get sprayed by a skunk.

10:48 AM. Awake from a nap just in time to mooch a cookie from the human, who’s having one with her tea.

12:09 PM. I have successfully mooched a ham sandwich from the human over lunch. Yum yum yum!

1:41 PM. Barking up a storm at that evil mailman as he drops off the mail at the box. Get lost, vile fiend!

5:14 PM. Waking up from a nap to the sounds of someone in the kitchen. Finding the human getting herself started on making dinner. So early? Or is this a complex dish that requires a lot of time?

6:27 PM. Dinner with the human. I’ve got chunks of beef to satisfy me. She’s having some beef bourguignon, which she says would be too messy a meal for me. Oh come on, human, I’m not that messy an eater.

8:43 PM. Lying on my back, staring up at the ceiling for no reason whatsoever. The human is reading. I start thumping my tail. Again, for no reason whatsoever, except for the fact that it makes the human think I’m up to something.

8:51 PM. The human gives me that look. What? A little tail thumping isn't going to wear out the floor.

11:38 PM. The human is off to bed. Well, good night, human. Sleep tight. I’ll probably be up around three in the morning during my nightly patrols, and if that happens to involve giving you a face lick, well, don’t blame me. I’m a dog. It’s one of those things we do.