A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Once again it is time for the point of view of the dog and the cat, starting as always with that of Loki, Chewer of Slippers and Annoyance to Mailmen...

7:35 AM. Waking up. Strange dreams. Saw myself walking down an aisle on a red carpet with lots of people on both sides. Got kicked by someone famous. Bit them in the ankle. Apparently Streisand has a temper. Who knew?

7:41 AM. The human comes downstairs. Hello, human! How are you today? Fine day out there, more snow falling. Say, how about some breakfast? I’m feeling rather peckish right now, and I need a good bowlful of kibbles to get in before my morning run.

7:43 AM. Devouring breakfast. Yum yum yum!!!

7:52 AM. Out the door for my morning run. Bye, human! Don’t go anywhere without me!

7:59 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off, dashing through the fresh snow. Is there anything as good as snow? Well, belly rubs and chew toys and irritating cats and chasing squirrels would qualify.

8:35 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

8:38 AM. Spike and I compare notes on sightings of the enemy. I learn he saw one last night from inside his house. Barked up a storm at the devious little bastard, but the squirrel just kept raiding the bird feeder like it belonged to him.

8:40 AM. I relate my curious dream to Spike. He tells me that Streisand is one of those totally in love with herself singers who thinks the world should bow down at her feet. In his opinion, she deserves to get bitten. Preferably by a rabid rat.

8:43 AM. Parting ways with Spike. On my way home. Hopefully lots more snow to fall today before it’s all said and done. Too bad it’s not mountainous enough around here for avalanche conditions... in an ideal world we’d have an avalanche bury the mailman.

8:54 AM. Returning home. Barking to alert the human to my presence. Human! Loki, Chewer of Slippers and Annoyance to Mailmen, has returned!

8:56 AM. The human is subjecting me once again to the Towel of Torment. Come on, human, I’m not all that wet, and what’s wet will dry up inside fast enough once I get into nap mode by the fireplace.

9:03 AM. Settling in by the fireplace for a nap. Naps are an essential part of every good dog’s day.

11:36 AM. Slept exceedingly well. Looks like I slept through the human’s tea time again. Well, it comes down to the great dilemma- what is more important? A cookie or a nap? I suppose the answer is that it depends on the day.

12:13 PM. The human is having lunch. I’m devouring a dinner roll. Yum yum yum!

12:32 PM. Out with the human off to the barn to do some chores. Just as long as we’re back up by the house in time for me to bark at that vile mailman.

12:51 PM. Supervising the human while she’s at work. Humans do need close supervision, I think.

1:03 PM. Movement has caught my eye. Wait... it’s that annoying squirrel! Hey! Get back here!

1:04 PM. In hot pursuit of the evil little vermin. Barking my head off.

1:05 PM. The vile fiend has made his way to a tree, and he’s up there cackling away and laughing like the malevolent little bastard that he is. 

1:15 PM. Barking at the squirrel. He’s not coming down. And now I see the mailman’s car on the road. I glare up at the squirrel one more time and bark. Then I have my duties to attend to. One of these days, squirrel, you’re going to get what’s coming to you. Do you understand? You’ll get what’s coming to you.

1:16 PM. Barking at the mailman as he puts mail in the box. Hey! Get lost! If you weren’t in that car, I’d be mangling your leg right now!

4:03 PM. The human’s having afternoon tea. I’m getting a cookie. Yum yum yum!

4:35 PM. Staring at the ceiling, speculating on what the human might make for dinner tonight. Mooching techniques being considered.

6:28 PM. Dinner with the human. Shepherd’s pie tastes very good on a winter day.

7:11 PM. For some reason the human’s watching one of those entertainment news shows. The vacant headed host is blathering on about the Oscars in a few days and the misbehaviour of one actor today. Human? Why do you watch these shows? It’s not as if they gave the bear that attacked DiCaprio in that movie a nomination anyway, right?

11:45 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human. I’ll stick around down here. Brooding over how that squirrel just got away from me in the nick of time.