A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time for the dog and cat to have their say once again, and this time it is their perspective on Christmas Eve. As always, I'm starting off with the view of the resident hound.

7:35 AM. Waking up at home. Dreamed of reindeer. I wonder where that one came from....

7:37 AM. Waiting for the human to come downstairs. Looking at the Christmas tree all decorated. Still puzzled by why humans bring trees inside this time of year and decorate them. Even more puzzled as to why I’m not allowed to answer the call of nature on it.

7:38 AM. The human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn’t it? Say, how about a bite to eat? I’d be ever so happy and pleased to start chowing down on my breakfast sometime soon. 

7:42 AM. Wolfing down breakfast in as rapid a fashion as I can. Did I mention how much I love kibbles? Yum yum yum!

7:45 AM. Out the door for my morning run. See you later, human!

8:03 AM. Running around the fields, in the snow, barking for no reason. It occurs to me, though, that all this barking could inadvertently alert any squirrels in the area that I’m around.

8:12 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. We greet each other in the customary doggie fashion.

8:14 AM. Spike informs me that his humans are having relatives over for Christmas. Grandchildren are involved, and they’ve been pulling his tail. Spike keeps reminding himself that he has to behave and not bite anyone. Well, Spike, look at it this way... sooner or later they do grow up, right? At least that’s what I’m assuming at the moment, because if I’m wrong and they don’t grow up, that could be problematic.

8:17 AM. We discuss the meaning of why people kiss each other under mistletoe. You know, Spike, it occurs to me that humans might be slightly daft.                                

8:21 AM. Spike and I go our separate ways, pledging to keep each other up to date on any movements of the enemy. Wouldn’t it just be like a squirrel, for instance, to do something awful and evil like launch an acorn attack while the humans are unwrapping presents in the morning?

8:33 AM. On my way home. Cutting through the woods. Movement out of the corner of my eye.... what’s that? Is it the squirrel?

8:34 AM. No, wait, it’s that cranky cat. Well, hello, cat. Merry Christmas. No, I’m not going to bother you today. I’m really trying to be on my best behaviour... because, well, you know, peace on earth and goodwill towards men and dogs and cats and even... no, well, not to squirrels or postmen or vets. My point is, I’m on my best behaviour today, and besides, for all I know, if he’s real, Santa could be watching me right now and deciding whether or not I’m getting chew toys or a lump of coal.

8:35 AM. The cranky cat approaches me. Hey, I told you, I’m behaving myself today.

8:36 AM. Well, now that was unexpected. I watch the cat walk off through the snow. Just when I thought I had cats figured out.... wait, when did I ever think I had cats figured out?

8:52 AM. Back home. Barking to alert the human to my presence.

8:53 AM. The human opens the back door. Hello, human!

8:55 AM. The human subjects me to the Towel of Torment rather than let my snow covered fur dry out natural by the fire. As I am trying to be on my best behaviour today, I let her do it. Human? Why are cats the way they are?

12:05 PM. Waking up from nap. Slept exceedingly well. Dreamed of Christmas cookies.

12:14 PM. Have mooched a couple of cookies and a dinner roll from the human. Yum yum yum!

3:45 PM. Staring out at the falling snow. Wondering if Christmas can get snowed in.

6:35 PM. Dinner with the human. Nice chunks of stewing beef for me. She’s made a rather elaborate stew for herself, said something about it making a bit of a mess if a doggie were to eat it.

7:43 PM. Watching the human talking on the phone. She’s going to go see her sister tomorrow. Just as well... the sister has little kids who think I’m a horse. No problem at all, human, I can hold the fort here tomorrow. Maybe try eating a candy cane.

7:55 PM. Wondering why no one ever thought of making a candy cane that tastes like chicken.

8:58 PM. The human and I are watching that movie where James Stewart’s life plays out all sugar sweet before he has a vision of what it would be like if he didn’t exist. Human? Just between us, why do you watch this movie every year?

9:54 PM. James Stewart is running down the street yelling like a maniac and jumping like a fool. You know, human, if this movie were taking place in the real world, someone would have arrested him by now for causing a public disturbance.

11:35 PM. The human is off to bed. Well, good night, human! I promise, I won’t knock the tree over. One can only get away with that one time, right?