A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Now as always, it's the cat's turn to have her say. Your Supreme Grace, the floor is yours.

7:24 AM. Waking up to the sound of my staff passing by in a rush. Staff! Where are you off to?

7:25 AM. Meowing insistently. The staff seems late. Oh, right, it’s one of those work days. This is what you get for clicking that snooze alarm. You know, if you only kept it three feet out of reach, this wouldn’t happen. Now then, staff, what about breakfast?

7:31 AM. The staff disappoints me once again by offering up a bowl of field rations. Staff, would it kill you to give me a breakfast of cold milk, lightly sautéed salmon on a chilled plate, and a side of caviar?

7:37 AM. Out on the porch. Thinking of going to the far edges of the property where there’s some nice catnip growing.

7:43 AM. Finding the catnip. Pausing before taking my first sniff.

7:44 AM. In catnip heaven. Rolling around in a delirious state, getting my fix.

8:25 AM. Coming down from my catnip high. Okay, back to the house.

8:27 AM. Wait a minute, where’s the car? The car is not here. The car is not here!!! Oh, no! It’s a weekday! The staff went off to work and left me outside!!!

8:29 AM. ....and what if it rains? I don’t like being out in the rain. I get all wet and cranky and I just end up not looking at my best, and it’s completely undignified for a cat....

8:33 AM. ....and then there’s the whole thing about what if that stupid dog from down the road intrudes in my yard and barks at me while I’m having a nap! What if a bear shows up in the yard? Why doesn’t my staff ever take things like this into consideration? 

8:43 AM. Brooding, brooding, and brooding some more out on the deck. To be followed by more brooding and a side of brooding. There will be hell to pay when you get home tonight, staff, locking me out of the house all day....

9:48 AM. Waking up out of nap. Well, at least it’s not raining.

10:15 AM. An idea comes to mind. A stroll over to Mrs. McIntyre’s place would do me nicely. I mean, she knows how to spoil cats and treat us in the fashion which we deserve. Plus her being retired means that odds are she’ll be home, so it’s a win-win for me either way. Yes, that’s what I’ll do.

10:26 AM. Stopping at the McIntyre home. Wait a minute... the car’s not in the driveway.

10:28 AM. A hop up on the windowsill confirms my concerns. She’s not home. Which means I can’t get inside. Which means I’m still stuck outside!

10:31 AM. Look, it’s very simple. Maybe she’ll be home in five minutes. So I should stay and wait and see, right? That makes sense, right? 

10:38 AM. Damn it, where is she?

11:21 AM. Sighing with dismay. Okay, obviously Mrs. McIntyre is off doing something, so I’m just going to be wasting my time sitting here waiting. For all I know she went off on a trip. Maybe my staff will come home for lunch. Granted, she never does that, but there’s a first time for everything. Okay, so it’s decided. Back home I go.

11:33 AM. Back at the house. No sign of the staff. Fortunately no sign of rain yet, but until I’m inside and safe from it, I’ll keep eying that sky with suspicion. 

12:47 PM. Chasing a dragonfly across the grass. Stop flying, you fool, I’m trying to pounce on you!

4:05 PM. Waking up out of nap on the deck. Still no sign of my staff. How long does it take to do that work thing anyway and get home? I’m not going to be happy when I see her, mark my words....

5:26 PM. Alerted by sound of car on the driveway. Coming around house. Oh, there she is. Finally! Staff, you and I are going to have words...

5:27 PM. The staff is out of the car. I’m meowing my outrage at her. She stoops and scratches me behind the ears. Damn it, I’m already purring.... I’m not supposed to purr when I’m mad!

5:58 PM. Supervising the staff making dinner. Furthermore, staff, I expect you to wait in the future until I'm inside for you to leave to go off to this work place.

6:36 PM. Dinner with the staff. I’ve got some nice chopped up chicken and a bowl of milk. She insists on having sprouts with her chicken. What human beings see in sprouts is beyond me.

11:42 PM. The staff is off to bed. Staff, keep that door open for me. Just in case I decide to pounce on you at four in the morning.