A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Some links before getting started today. Parsnip had a Square Dog Friday. Krisztina had a pizza suggestion. Ivy had a Friday question.

And so it is time to return to the cat's point of view. Treat her well, for she is your overlord and mistress.

7:47 AM. Slowly waking up. Slept exceedingly well. Dreamed of fields of catnip. Sounds in the kitchen. How did the staff get past me without my waking up?

7:49 AM. Good morning, staff. Have you put any thought into providing me with breakfast?

7:51 AM. Disappointed once again. The staff puts down a bowl of field rations. I sigh in dismay.

8:05 AM. Out on the deck. Somewhere in the distance I can hear the barking of that irritating mutt down the road.He’d better stay far away from me today, or by Isis, there’ll be hell to pay.

8:19 AM. Staring up at the clouds. That one looks like catnip. That one looks like a big bowl of milk. That one looks like flying lunch. That one looks like a ball of yarn...

8:38 AM. Back inside. Staff, it is the weekend, which means you belong to me and can’t go off to that work place. And that also means you can’t go off on some shopping excursion and leave me alone. Are we clear on the rules?

8:51 AM. After reluctance and back and forth consideration, I eat some of the field rations. Dry cat kibble is such a burden.

10:48 AM. Waking up from a nap. They do say you should get as much rest in a day as possible, and I strongly believe in such philosophies.

11:36 AM. Engaged in having the staff pay attention to me. Lots of cuddles, lots of purring, lots of affection. Staff, this is nice. If only you learned the value of better breakfasts, because to be honest with you, field rations really aren’t appealing at all. Are you listening, staff? Because this is important.

12:09 PM. Lunch with the staff. Some milk makes up for this morning’s travesty of a breakfast.

12:26 PM. Sniffing the air. I believe I do detect the smell of tuna somewhere.

12:27 PM. The tuna’s in the cat carrier. I pause. This could be a trap. What to do, what to do...

12:28 PM. I go in, quickly eat the tuna... and the door shuts. Staff! Let me out! Right now!

12:31 PM. This is intolerable, staff! How dare you trick me into this cat carrier. There will be hell to pay, staff, you know I don’t like being in the car, and here you are, taking me out the front door...

1:06 PM. The staff has arrived at her destination and is taking me out of the car. I am annoyed in the most ardent terms. I look out the door to see where I am... wait. This building... it’s the vet’s office! Staff! How dare you bring me into the lair of the Arch-Fiend!

1:10 PM. The staff has put my carrier down on a chair. Other cats are in their carriers. Foul hounds here too. And all of them seem to have the same expression of annoyance. Yes, even dumb dogs know this is the vet’s office, the lair of the darkest evil to ever walk the earth.

1:21 PM. A dog passes by, leaving the office. He seems irritable. Wait... it’s that annoying mutt from down the road. And he’s done? I can’t believe this. I’m envious of a dog being finished with the vet’s appointment.

1:38 PM. The receptionist directs my staff into one of the rooms, and for some inexplicable reason the staff takes me along. Staff, this is your last chance. We can still leave right now without being exposed to the presence of that monster...

1:44 PM. The door opens. The evil Arch-Fiend walks in. I hiss and express my venomous dislike of her.

1:46 PM. My staff is keeping me restrained while the monstrous vet conducts her tests. No doubt putting hex spells and curses on me while poking and prodding. That’s just the kind of evil thing I would expect out of the Arch Fiend. One of these days, lady, you’re going to get what’s coming to you...

1:54 PM. The staff is chatting away amicably with the Arch-Fiend, who persists in examining me and doing all kinds of horribly evil things to me. Staff, I cannot believe that you consider this witch to be a friend.

1:59 PM. The Vile, Despicable One gives me a shot. Hey! How’d you like one of those yourself, lady????

2:06 PM. The Arch-Fiend claims she’s done. Had enough torturing me? I hiss and try to scratch her. Don’t try that fake smile of yours, lady! I know how evil you are!

2:42 PM. Back home. The staff lets me back out of the cat carrier. Traitor. If you’re expecting me to forgive you for this travesty, you’ll be waiting a long, long, long time.

6:31 PM. Drawn into the kitchen by the smell of food. The staff has set down a plate of lamb cuts and a bowl of milk. I look at the food. Then I look at her. Then I look at the food again. Very well, staff. I suppose this makes up for the whole betrayal and subjecting me to the vet thing you pulled today.

11:38 PM. The staff is turning off the lights and is on her way to bed. I think I’ll stay down here. I hope to dream of that vet tonight. Meeting a very bad end.