A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once again for my regular dog and cat blogs, starting, as always, with the hound's perspective on things.

7:35 AM. Waking up. Slept well. Dreamed of finding that elusive bone I buried last fall and forgot where it went. Only now that I'm awake... damn it, I forgot where that was! What is it with dreams fading away this fast?

7:43 AM. I wonder if bones become trees if they're in the ground long enough? Any chance we'll see a steak bone tree spring up in the spring?

7:47 AM. Well, hello there, human! Fine day, isn't it? How about a little breakfast? I'm feeling peckish, and it's been ten hours since I last mooched a snack.

7:51 AM. Have just wolfed down a big bowl of kibbles. Five seconds off my fastest time ever for finishing breakfast.

8:01 AM. Out the door and out for a run. Woof woof woof!

8:12 AM. Running through the woods in the snow. Wait a minute... motion ahead... is that...?

It is!

It's that annoying squirrel!!!!!

8:13 AM. My attempt to catch the vile varmint goes awry when he races up a tree. I bark my protests of anger with great emphasis on the woofs. 

8:15 AM. Look at him up there. Taunting me, chattering away, laughing as if he got one over on me.

One of these days, you annoying squirrel, you're going to get what's coming to you! I am Loki, and I swear on all that is canine, you're going to get yours!

8:23 AM. Circling around the tree, hoping that vile varmint descends. No such luck yet.

8:31 AM. I am surprised to see movement nearby. For a moment I think the squirrel might have reinforcements coming. Instead... it's the cranky cat from down the road.

Cat! Put aside your dislike for me for one moment! If we work together, we can get rid of the real menace here! Not the postman, the squirrel! Look at him up there, laughing at both of us! You can climb the tree and knock him off, and I can finish him!

8:32 AM. The cat is decidedly dubious of my proposal for a temporary alliance. Come on! I'm a dog! Everyone knows a dog can be trusted! Don't listen to anything that squirrel is saying right now!

8:33 AM. The cat informs me that while she despises squirrels with all her might and fury, she will not risk being seen openly working with a dog. She further says that if I want that squirrel so much, I can climb up there and get him myself.

I can't do that! I'd get stuck in the tree, and I'd never hear the end of it.

8:35 AM. The cat leaves, with a warning not to follow her or sniff her hindquarters. But that's how dogs always greet others!

8:40 AM. Staring up into the tree. The squirrel is still laughing at me.

One of these days... one of these days, your luck will run out. And that's when I'll be there.

9:10 AM. Back home. The human lets me in. Hello, human. Do we have any way to make squirrels pay dearly for the rest of their chattering lives? 

9:12 AM. Circling around three times in the living room before settling on the floor. Nap time.

12:25 PM. Waking up. Hey, is it lunch time?

12:27 PM. The human is doing the dishes. Oh no... that means I missed the chance to mooch something.

12:35 PM. The human placates my despair over missing lunch with a cookie.

Yum yum yum! Butterscotch!

1:10 PM. Looking outside. Snow falling.

If we're lucky, it'll bury that annoying squirrel in an avalanche. Of course, we're a long way from a mountain.

3:45 PM. Waking up from nap. Smell of baking in the house.

3:52 PM. My mooching sad eyes routine has worked perfectly. The human has given me three freshly baked cookies.

6:28 PM. Settling down to dinner with the human. She's given me some beef with my evening kibbles. For some reason instead of kibbles, she's having sprouts and potatoes with her beef. 

Come on, human, if I eat kibble, it can't hurt you. I mean, you ate that dog biscuit once on a dare, and I remember those words that you said. Words that would have shocked the Sisters Of Little Or No Mercy.

8:55 PM. Dozing in the living room while the human reads. I wonder why that cat's dislike of me transcended her natural hate of squirrels. I mean, seriously, if Nixon could go to China...

11:05 PM. Watching news with the human. Nothing on the most pressing issue of the day: what can be done to stop the squirrel epidemic.

11:47 PM. The human is off to bed. Well, have a good night, human. I will hold the fort down here. If that annoying squirrel turns up on the outside windowsill during the night, I will give him a thorough barking. Loud enough to wake up every neighbour within ten kilometres.