A Day In The Life Of A Dog

7:40 AM. Waking up. Good long stretch. Slept very well. Dreamed of chasing that infuriating squirrel. This time I got him. Needless to say, Dream Squirrel got what he deserved. Now, how do I apply that to real world settings?

7:45 AM. The human is stirring upstairs. Hmmm, it's raining. Oh, good! I love running through a downpour!

8:10 AM. The human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Have you seen all the rain yet today? Isn't it spectacular? Human, how about you let me outside to run for awhile? Oh, wait... after breakfast. I need lots of energy, so an extra scoop of kibbles will be just wonderful for you to give me.

8:12 AM. As always, I must wolf down the entire bowl of kibbles inside of thirty seconds. Yum yum yum!!!

8:15 AM. Whining at backdoor. Human opens it, saying something about an appointment. Not really hearing her, seeing as how I'm bolting out the backdoor. Human, you can tell me when I get back.

8:35 AM. Is there anything as fun as sprinting around the back fields of the farm through a downpour? I think not!

8:50 AM. Stopping in tracks to briefly bark at a drenched, cranky groundhog.

8:52 AM. Back in motion. Groundhogs are silly creatures, after all.

9:05 AM. Running through the rain, barking my head off. Why can't every critter enjoy themselves like this? Funny... one never sees cats out in this kind of weather.

I wonder why...

9:40 AM. Time to head back for home. The human should be having her morning tea soon, and if I play my cards right, I might be able to score a treat by mooching.

9:55 AM. Approaching house. This is odd... where's the car?

10:05 AM. Have made thorough search of grounds around the house. No trace of the car. Did the human go for a drive without inviting me?

What was that she said about an appointment again?

11:15 AM. Sticking near house on deck. Thoroughly drenched. Thunder and lightning. Even I know it's not a good idea to go running around in that kind of weather.

I hope the human brings back burgers.

11:50 AM. Wagging my tail! The human is home! Hi, human! Where did you go?

11:51 AM. The human seems to be disapproving of how wet I am. Well, human, that's okay, just let me into the house, start up a fire in the fireplace, and I'll lie down and dry up naturally.

11:52 AM. The human unlocks the door and lets me in. She calls out, but I'm already shaking water out of my fur.

11:55 AM. Being subjected to the ordeal of the Towel of Torment by the human. This would go much easier if you just let me dry off naturally. Oh, don't go on and on about wet dog smell. It isn't that bad.

12:15 PM. Reasonably dry. Human having lunch. Employing sad eyes trick. Say, you didn't by chance bring a burger home for me, did you?

12:16 PM. She did! She did! Oh, burgers are so tasty! Even if they're getting cold! And is this bacon on it too? Even better!

Yum yum yum!

 

3:10 PM. Waking up from nap. Still thundering out there. I remember something once said to me by my local sage and guide in the dog world. Spike The Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels, noted that some dogs get really high strung about lightning. It's a bit of a mystery as to why.

Makes me wonder what it does to a cat.

3:25 PM. Manage to mooch a scone from the human, who's having afternoon tea. Thanks, human, you're a real pal.

4:35 PM. Looking outside. Rain seems to finally be letting up. Catching sight of movement... is that...? It is! It's that annoying squirrel!!!

4:36 PM. Human! Human! Listen to the tone of my barking! You must let me out! I've got a chance to get that annoying squirrel once and for all! Let me out!

4:37 PM. Rats. The human refused to let me out. The annoying squirrel is just sitting out there on the deck, staring at me and laughing.

One day, squirrel, one day...

7:10 PM. Human having dinner. I manage to use my classic sad eyes expression to convince her to let me have a few strips of beef. Yum yum yum!!!

11:35 PM. Human heading off to bed. Good night, human. Pleasant dreams.

I'll stay here for awhile... and dream of finally getting my paws on that annoying little squirrel.

When that day comes, vengeance shall be mine...