Monday, May 6, 2013

A Wound In The Heart


"Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to say what it is will break you
I don't know which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around
Don't wanna see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye" ~ U2, Kite

The song Kite is from the album All That You Can't Leave Behind. It's a song that can be interpreted in a number of ways, but when the band was writing the song, Bono's father Bob Hewson was dying of cancer. It's a song about saying goodbye when you don't know the words. In the concert DVD Go Home Live From Slane Castle, the song is used. The band did two concerts at the Irish castle in 2001, a few days apart. One of those concerts was recorded for the DVD, and both concerts were at the time around the death of his father. Bono dedicated the song to his father in the concert, and it really does speak to those who are grieving. Here's the song from that concert, and the entire concert can be found just by entering U2 Go Home at Youtube. I'd argue that it's the best concert they've ever done.



A couple of blogs back, I mentioned that I'd been away on some family related things. It was a visit to my mother. Back in February she was diagnosed with cancer. And it progressed much faster than we could have expected. She was hospitalized, and it was clear early on that she wouldn't be leaving, that time was running out. I went back last weekend to see her. My father has been dealing with this as well as he could. There have been a lot of visitors to her at the hospital, and one of their friends said something that stuck with me: that my mother was like a saint.


 
She seemed so frail in that hospital bed. She'd lost weight, and I suspect the cancer had spread into her brain. It was hard at times for her to find the words, which frustrated her. And yet she was at peace with it all. Her faith seemed to sustain her. She needed to see her children. I spent time with her, and told her the things that I needed to say.  I told her that I loved her, that I was proud to be her son, thanking her for being my mother. 

On Saturday evening, my mother passed away. She was in hospice care by that point, and one of my brothers was with her at the end. She did get the chance to have all of her children come to see her. She's the kindest and most generous person I ever knew, a constant for all of us. And now she's gone. It's hard to believe. I feel numb right now, in shock about it. And I already miss her. That light has gone out in the world.

It's going to be awhile before I get back to any kind of routine. Losing Mom is like a thunderbolt. She was the best of us... and nothing will ever be the same again.



53 comments:

  1. Ah, I'm so sorry to hear this. But what a wonderful tribute to your mom. Prayers to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You and I have talked about this enough over the past months, especially last night. You know how I feel, so I won't get into it here. I'm here for you if and when you need me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Many thoughts & prayers for you, William. I am so very sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That was a lovely tribute to your mom. Still keeping you in my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My condolences to you and your family William. She wants you to thrive, she wants you to be a happy man. Don't let the thunderbolt consume you--your memories will bring you closer to her heart than you've ever been before. If she is reading this post from Heaven, I'm sure she's smiling.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear William, all I know is she gave us you, and you look so much alike. That part of her will always be with you. Lovely song, I have never heard it before, I hope it brings you comfort. Man or child we are never to old to lose our mums, it's nice to read you were able to talk to her. Peace and kind thoughts to you, her and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm very sorry for your loss, William. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  8. A beautiful song.
    Sending you healing hugs.
    Jane x

    ReplyDelete
  9. Awe...Sir Wills.

    Hugs and chocolate,
    Shelly

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am so sorry for your loss, William. This is a beautiful tribute to your mother. I know the pain of losing a beloved parent. Take all the time you need, we are here wishing you the best.

    ReplyDelete
  11. William, I am so sorry. I know losing your mother must hurt tremendously. She sounds like a wonderful human being.

    I teared up reading your blog. It reminded me of the last days with my dad. I know what you're going through and my prayers are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  12. William, I'm deeply sorry for your loss. I'm extremely close with my mother. She has always been one of my best friends. We talk every day and see each other every week. I can't even imagine losing her. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm so sorry, William, and send my deepest condolences to you and your family. I teared up when I read your loving tribute to your beautiful mother. Since both of my parents have passed, I could relate to the numbness of which you wrote. In time, memories will replace the numbness, but I don't think a certain feeling ever goes away, kinda like it didn't matter how old I got, I was a little girl inside and Mom and Dad would always be there.

    Prayers and hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you and your family are going through. Words just aren't enough.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ahh Jesus William, I'm so sorry. My husband and I have each lost our fathers recently, + his mother, + one of his sisters (It has seemed like the hits just kept coming). When my dad died last May I posted a short note, but couldn't bring myself to express more. This was lovely.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I am so sorry for your loss William. I'm happy you were able to be with her in the end and say all those sweet and kind words, which I'm sure took away all her pain. You're a good son. This is a beautiful post. I know there's nothing anyone can say right now that will ease your pain. I'm sending my deepest condolences for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Lovely post today about your Mum. I have tears in my eyes. You already know I hold you and your family in my heart.

    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
  18. You express it well, William. I think I know something about how you feel. No one can ever share our grief and our memories that we have to sort through.

    So I'll tell you what many told me when my mom died and I felt like an orphan adrift at sea.

    She will be with you always.

    My sincere sympathy. Take care of yourself. You will get through it.

    ReplyDelete
  19. William, I am deeply sorry for your loss. You've written a beautiful tribute.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Oh, William, I am so sorry to hear this news. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. When I was a child I watched my father suffer with and pass from cancer, while I may not feel what your feeling right now, I understand. -a fellow lover of snow.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Condolences William, losing your parents, or parent is one of the worst things ever, they are our anchor and the reason we exist in the first place. Take comfort from other members of your family if you can, lots of hugs coming yourf way.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I lost my mother two years ago and it still hurts. Your mother sounds a lot like my mother. I'm very sorry for your loss. Mother's Day will be very hard this year and I will be thinking of you! Take care.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Good thought heading your way, Wayne!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Sending you my heartfelt condolences. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I do wish you the time to heal, to understand, and to move forward. *Hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  25. So sorry to hear of your loss, William. Your mom being at peace is really important. I lost my mother in 2006. From the time she was diagnosed, it 3 weeks passed before the cancer took her life.

    I think if she hadn't been at peace and if she hadn't put on such a strong attitude, we all would have been crushed beyond grief.

    I do understand and feel for you and pray for you and your family to heal. It's not easy, but it will come.



    ReplyDelete
  26. My deepest sympathies for your loss. I'm sure it was her faith as she knew she was going home. Even when you know this about the person and believe it yourself, the grief hurts. Take time to heal, my friend. Blessings.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Sympathies, William. Take one day at a time. It gets better. I promise. Keep good thoughts and memories. You'll get there.

    I lost my mother to cancer when I was 12... my father 12 or 13 years ago... my mother-in-law (who became my mom)about 4 years ago. A brother to cancer 3 years ago.

    Warmest regards & best wishes, Lorelei

    ReplyDelete
  28. Don't want to be a pest, just checking back to see how you're doing. Hub lost his parents almost to the day in one year. It was a tough, tough time. Like most men, he'd internalized emotions, both good (mostly) and bad (not really bad, it's all relative), and all that stuff came pouring out. Just wanted to share -- sending more hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  29. William, you have my deepest sympathies. This was a nice tribute! Keeping you in my prayers. Let me know if you need anything.

    ReplyDelete
  30. William, I am so sorry to read of your mother's passing. But, I hope you take some solace in having done what you do -- write -- in a way that was gripping and sincere and from the depths of your love.

    We all leave some time. It appears that your mother left after seeing all who matter to her, and after a relatively brief final act. There are so many worse endings. I hope you and your family find comfort in all of your fine memories of her.

    ReplyDelete
  31. William, I am so sorry for your loss. May your memories give you peace, and you find rainbows in your clouds. x

    ReplyDelete
  32. It's so hard to lose a mother. She sounds like a wonderful person and your words about her show your love. You will get through this time, just take care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Oh, William, I'm so sorry. What a wonderful post in honour of your mother.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Oh william, I am so sorry. I know how hard it is to lose a parent... I was fourteen when my dad passed away... you are right, nothing will be the same again, but in time the sad and sorrow will ease and you will smile as you think back of all the good times and wonderful memories... Your mom sounds like a wonderful woman who will be greatly missed...

    ReplyDelete
  35. I am so so sorry. And by golly this song is really lovely too - just like your mum. I am truly sorry.

    Take care
    x

    ReplyDelete
  36. Ah William. Such a lovely remembrance for your mom. I'm so sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I;m sorry to read about your mom's passing. You wrote so beautifully of her. Although my mom is gone 15 years now it still hits me like a wave sometimes. What got me through it all in the beginning was reminding myself what a lucky person I was to have had her for my mom. Blessed beyond words. Just remember that about your mom always and it will heal your heart. You will always miss her but soon your memories of her will bring a smile to your face. Hugs, Deb

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hugs, William.

    Such a lovely tribute to your mum.

    ReplyDelete
  39. William, I'm so sorry. I teared up reading this while U2 was playing that song. This is a beautiful tribute to her.

    She sounds like she was an amazing woman. Losing a parent has to be one of the hardest things to come to terms with ever.

    *Sending you a giant, minute-long bear hug*

    ReplyDelete
  40. Hi William, just to say thanks for your lovely comments. I really appreciate you taking the time when its a difficult time for you. You know my thoughts are with you, take care.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Hi William, so sorry to hear about your mother. May you both have all the time you need to share all the love and kindness you need before being able to let go.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Hi again, I just noticed I had misread. So sorry she is gone. May her love live with you forever.

    ReplyDelete
  43. I am so very sorry to read this. Wish there were more than I could do than just say sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  44. So sorry to hear about your mom's passing. Hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  45. William, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. My heart breaks for you. Best wishes for you in this time. :(

    ReplyDelete
  46. I'm so sorry William. That was a beautiful tribute.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I read your post with much attention. It's a lovely tribute you're paying to your mother. If the cancer progressed that quickly it must be that she was able to disregarded the signs for a long time, keeping the lifestyle she enjoyed for the longest possible time. Isn't that much better than to spend long months or years in hospital?

    You and she were lucky. Lucky that she was able to have her children around her, lucky that you had time to say all the things that needed saying. The quality of the relationship you had with her will stay with you forever and keep nourishing you. She was able to spread love around her and if you are able to keep spreading love around you yourself then she and you will be part of a chain that will make mankind move in the right direction. In this grand scheme of things every person counts.

    A long time ago I remember a friend of my fathers talking about the day he lost his dad. He said he was shocked to see the sun rise the next morning: how could the world keep turning? His father had died! I remember vividly the day I lost my own dad and memories of him will stay with me forever. I still have my mum and I cherish the time I still have with her.

    All the best to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Hi again! Just to wish you a peaceful and restful weekend! Take care
    x

    ReplyDelete
  49. I'm a new blog follower (been following you on FB) and I'm so very sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. Warm wishes. ~Tara

    ReplyDelete
  50. It was great seeing you up on the screen, William. There will always be tears, if only in the heart where no one can see. But there will also come a time when you'll think of something your mother said or did and smile at the memory. . . hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  51. My sympathies, William. As a mother, I can tell you that having my children visit me as you did your mother would mean the world. I imagine that when she passed away, she felt good about the children she left behind, and appreciative of their visits... I hope that helps just a little.

    ReplyDelete
  52. My condolences to you and your family on the loss of your dear mother.

    ReplyDelete

Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.