A Day In The Life Of A Dog

8:05 AM. Waking up. It seems I've slept in. No sound of the human upstairs yet. Will give her a few minutes. Then I'll expect breakfast as promptly as possible.

8:10 AM. Staring out front window. Looking for any trace of my hated enemy, that annoying squirrel. Lots and lots of snow. You know, I do love the winter, but I'm starting to wonder if we're just skipping over spring, summer, and fall this year and going right back into winter....

8:20 AM. Ah, the human is stirring upstairs. Good, I was just about to go on up and lick the bottom of her feet. That always works getting her awake.

8:35 AM. The human comes downstairs. Good morning, human. How about some breakfast? I've been ever so patient, you know...

8:40 AM. Kibbles!!!!! Yum yum yum! Human, have I told you how much I love you lately?

8:42 AM. After wolfing down my breakfast inside of thirty seconds, it's time for me to go out on my run. And I think I've got a question or two to ask of a neighbour while I'm at it. Human, will you let me out?

8:43 AM. Out the door! Sprinting like a mad man, rushing headlong into the snow, wagging my tail. Oh boy!!!!

9:25 AM. Have made my way over to the residence of Spike, or Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels, as he's best known by. He's outside by the barn. Of course we must greet each other by sniffing at the hindquarters. It's the only way we can be sure we are who we say we are.

9:30 AM. Spike and I confer on the chances of spring turning up anytime soon. Spike remarks on the whole groundhog day thing a month ago and how some humans seem to put their faith in a cranky prognosticating rodent to determine weather conditions. We agree that it seems silly.

We also agree that spring is unlikely in the next few days. The picnic table in the back yard at Spike's place is still completely buried in snow, after all.

9:50 AM. Have bid farewell to Spike, and am once more off on my way. Still hoping for spring. I like the melting snow. Makes for good rolling around and getting filthy conditions. The human seems to disapprove, for some strange reason.

10:05 AM. Have encountered that cat who lives nearby while on my rounds. Will attempt to make friends with the cat for the seven hundredth time. I'm sure they understand that wagging tails mean we're friendly, right?

10:06 AM. My attempts at civility have been met with a swipe of her claws across my snout. Owwwww!!! What is it with cats, anyway?

10:20 AM. Have returned home after extended patrols, wondering why cats are just so stand-offish with dogs, and some rolling around in the snow. Human tut-tuts as she lets me inside.

10:25 AM. Lying by the fireplace after the human used the Towel of Torment to dry me off. Feels nice and toasty warm in here....

12:15 PM. Waking up from nap. Human sounds to be in the kitchen.

Hey, it's lunchtime!

12:17 PM. Giving my patented sad eyes look to the human, who's making sandwiches. Come on, human, look at me. I'd be ever so happy if I got a slice or two of bread.

Just as long as it doesn't involve liverwurst and peanut butter. I don't know how you can stomach the combination. On their own, they're fine... but on the same sandwich???

12:19 PM. The human gives me a cheese sandwich. Yum yum yum!!!!!

2:35 PM. Waking up from another nap. Feeling like I'm being watched. Looking around. Hey, it's that annoying squirrel. On my front windowsill.  Chattering like a demented lunatic. Squirrels do that all the time. Why, if it wasn't for that pane of glass...

Must start barking loudly.

2:36 PM. Human lets me out. I charge through the door. I must destroy my enemy.

2:37 PM. Pacing angrily at base of tree. Squirrel's up on a branch. Just where I can't get to him. Chattering away incessantly in that squeaky high pitched nonsense that they always do. I think that little punk is laughing at me.

3:45 PM. Returning inside after an hour of pacing around the tree. The squirrel is still up there, completely unphased by my furious barking.

One of these days....

3:46 PM. Have been subjected once more to the Towel of Torment. Human tells me she's not looking forward to the spring, when I'll be coming home all muddy.

But human, that's the fun part!

4:15 PM. Human having tea. Have managed to mooch a scone from her. Yum yum yum!

6:20 PM. Human making dinner. Smells good. I have no idea what it is yet, but it smells good. Hopefully my sad eyes look allows for some successful mooching.

6:35 PM. Human tells me that omelette is a little too messy for a dog to eat. Gives me bowl of kibbles, but adds some strips of meat to it she's been cooking. Yummy yummy yummy....

6:50 PM. Watching human eating omelette. Will have to concede that I probably would make a mess of it. I can still remember that time she let me have an egg salad sandwich. We were finding bits of egg salad under the couch and behind the bookcase for three weeks afterwards...

11:30 PM. Long evening seems to be at an end. Human bids me good night. Good night, human. Sweet dreams.

If the squirrel comes back tonight, I'll bark up a storm and drive him off. Just so you know in advance.