A Day In The Life Of A Cat

8:05 AM. Have woken up. Staff still asleep. Overcast skies outside. Snow falling. Will go over to window and inspect outdoors for myself.

8:06 AM. Oh my. That is a great deal of snow.

8:10 AM. Staff finally wakes up. Wonders why she slept in. Well, for one, the power is off, staff. I only know the time from looking at your wall clock. The bedside table clock is off.

Oh, and there's snow outside. Now get up, I want breakfast.

8:25 AM. Have confirmed power seems off throughout house. Feels colder than it should. Staff will have to make inquiries with power company about getting power restored. After making my breakfast.

8:30 AM. Staff comes into kitchen, mutters something about no power for the can opener. In that case, staff, just break out a steak for thawing. I'll have that for lunch. Staff? Staff?

8:31 AM. Staff is pouring me a bowl of field rations. Oh, the humanity....

8:32 AM. Set to eating field rations. Annoyed at staff.

8:45 AM. Staff dismayed by snow outside. Unable to get into work today. That's fine, you'll just spend today catering to my every whim. You got off to a bad start by feeding me field rations, you know. Now, get the fireplace started. It's a bit cool in here for my taste.

10:15 AM. Waking up from nap in front of fireplace. Nice and toasty. Lights back on. Staff sitting in chair nearby knitting. I imagine the power company finally got around to restoring the power.

10:17 AM. Looking outside. Lots of snow. I wonder if this is going to turn into a Donner Party thing. Staff, if it comes down to it, you will have to sacrifice yourself so that I can eat.

10:25 AM. Watching staff knitting. Mesmerized by that yarn. Must chase the yarn. Must have my way with the string...

10:26 AM. Have lunged at ball of yarn, but the staff pulled it away before I could be off with it. Come now, staff! I demand the time to have my amusements!

10:45 AM. Watching staff knitting something or another. Wondering what it is.

Hey, wait a minute. That's a little sock.

Like baby sized.

Wait... the staff can't be pregnant? Can she?

I won't stand for it! I won't have a baby competing with me!

10:47 AM. The staff can't be expecting. Her last relationship was with that moronic dog person, and that ended months ago. On a side note, all dog people are moronic. So, if we agree that it's been much too long for her to have procreated with that nitwit, and I feel reasonably sure she's not copulating with anyone else, there must be a reasonable explanation.

Unless she's off fornicating with someone during those times she says she's at work...

10:50 AM. Pacing with worry and anxiety. Staff looks at me and smiles. Tells me she's going to have a new niece or nephew in a few months. Feeling a profound sense of relief, mixed with annoyance that her irritating relatives are going to have yet another rugrat around.

2:15 PM. Wake up from second nap. No sign of staff around. Looking out window.

Why is she building a snowman?

You'd think she'd build a snow cat...

2:25 PM. Staff lets me come outside onto the front porch. I can't recall the last time we've had this much snow.

Staff, if you even think of throwing a snowball at me...

2:26 PM. Hearing distant barking. I think it's that annoying mutt from the farm down the road. Sounds perpetually befuddled, and that fits this particular hound.

2:30 PM. More barking. Will you shut up already, stupid mutt?

4:45 PM. Waking up from nap. House feels nice and warm. Staff sitting nearby knitting more. Use stealth to sneak up on the basket. Snatching away a ball of string.

4:55 PM. Staff finds me happily in the midst of unwinding the string. What? If you were me, you'd be doing the exact same thing...

6:15 PM. Staff cooking dinner. I do detect the smell of steak. You'd better be setting some aside for me, staff, or we will have words...

6:30 PM. Staff sets a bowl of milk down for me, accompanied by a plate of steak, rare, just the way I like it.

Staff, for this, I'll even set aside the dismay I felt at spending all Christmas day hiding from those annoying rugrats your sister and her idiot husband brought with them.

I approve, staff. I approve.

11:25 PM. Staring out into the darkness. Oh, joy. It's snowing again.

Looks like the staff might just have to take tomorrow off from work too.

Good. Plenty of time for me to get up on her lap and block whatever it is she's actually doing.

Staff picks me up and takes me up the stairs, saying that tomorrow's another day.

Staff, I will remind you that I am the one who says when it's bed time, not you...