A Shot Across The Bow

"Must swear off from swearing. Bad habit." ~ Rutherford B. Hayes

"Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it's not allowed." ~ Mark Twain

"When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear." ~ Mark Twain

"County library? Reference desk, please. Hello? Yes, I need a word definition. Well, that's the problem. I don't know how to spell it and I'm not allowed to say it. Could you just rattle off all the swear words you know and I'll stop you when... Hello?" ~ Calvin

I usually think that cursing is best done in moderation. As a writer, I've put the occasional curse word into my work, where warranted. Often in the street, I'll pass two people in conversation who are spouting off three or four curse words a sentence, and I just find myself shaking my head at their inability to move beyond that.

Every once in awhile, however... it's called for.

A few days ago I got a notice through one of the social networking sites that I post links to when I write a blog. I post these off to several different places, and some of them are useful and have given me links that I wouldn't have otherwise found. Others, not so useful.

Mostly if I get notifications from that site, it's just a note to say that someone liked my discussion. On this occasion, it was something rather different. It was a remark from a group member who called the blog "drivel" and "not funny." That's odd. Hey, I know not everyone will appreciate my humor, but a lot of people do. The amount of page views I get and the comments I get here speak for myself. Still, that's not the issue. What I found bothersome was that he suggested I could run my next blog past him for his approval, swearing he would give me an honest opinion.

Okay, Mr. Jackass... let me see if I get this right. First you insult me, and then you think I should check in with you for your blessing on a blog?

Mr. Jackass, by the way, is, of all things, according to his professional credentials, a salesman in the oil industry (otherwise known as a "What climate problem?" Spin Doctor). All of his other group listings on that site are generally geared in that direction. Aside from the bizarre idea of belonging to a humor writing group.

And I'm supposed to take writing advice from an oil salesman?

Well, Mr. Jackass (Jerry to his friends)... you, sir, are an asshole. Otherwise known as homo sapiens jackassius. I've had enough of assholes in my life (you can talk to my idiot ex-brother in law; I'm sure you two would get along famously), so I'll have to decline your suggestion that I run my work past you for your approval. If I want advice, I'll get it from writers, you prat.

It's entirely possible that Jerry might see this, of course. In which case, I'll just say this: bother me again, and you'll end up in my next book, Jerry. As an oil executive with a handlebar moustache who turns out to be a gutless coward.

In closing, Jerry, this is for you, from the bottom of my heart.