Two Stooges Down And Two To Go

The Crazy Old Man has the Wookie vote secured

Last time I did one of these, one of the front runners among the Four Horsemen of the Republipocalypse had stepped out of the race. Since then, another candidate has stepped out. This leaves the vastly out in front head of the pack front runner still in the race to secure the Republican nomination.... and one Crazy Old Man.

The Republican field has narrowed down yet again, and the editorial cartoonists of the world continue to mine it for gold. I'm wondering if next time I do one of these blogs, we'll be down to just one. Governor Mittens is already looking at potential running mates now that Fig Newtons and Pope Ricky have called it a day. Ron Paul, aka the Crazy Old Man, is still in the running, though he's far behind. Rumor has it he might be asleep, and no one's bothered to wake him up yet.

And so November appears to be shaping up, at last, to be the inevitable Governor Mittens nomination to seize the White House from President Obama. This, after months of being ripped to shreds by his own party, who haven't found him all that interesting to begin with. The President and his team have been busy taking notes on all the ways to finish off what the other candidates already started.

Poor Fig Newtons. Poor Newtron Bomb. He lost whatever momentum he had left after some early victories, and as of late had been routinely getting his head handed to him at primaries and caucuses. Even the wildlife didn't like him. So it was just a matter of time before his campaign funds ran dry and he couldn't go on. As I understand it, the campaign bounced a check for one of the primaries. That didn't bode well. And so he's reached the end of the road. Good riddance, Fig Newtons. Don't bother to write. We won't miss you.

Then of course there's Rick Santorum. Pope Ricky. He Whose Last Name Must Not Be Googled. His Infernal Sanctimoniousness. His High And Mightiness has also reached the end of the line, folded his tent, and dropped out. Rumor has it he's going to continue his work on the new Ten Commandments According To Pope Ricky.

And so it all falls down to Governor Mittens, who inspires little confidence in the GOP. He's been campaigning for months now, getting torn to shreds by his competitors and the Party faithful. They wish someone else were running for the nomination. They seem resigned to committing electoral suicide in November by backing a candidate who can't connect to the ordinary citizen in any meaningful way. One thing runs through their mind: there's always 2016, right?

It's going to be a long summer. Particularly with psychotic washed up nutbar rock singers- whose brains have obviously been fried by too many nights involving recreational drugs, hard whiskey, and strippers named Bambi- ranting about the guy who's presently in the White House. Memo to Ted Nugent's doctors: sedate the dumb git. Post haste.

In closing, for those of you Americans still not sure where to cast your vote in November...

Vote for the cat.