Governor Mittens And The Philosopher's Spin Doctor

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies." ~ Groucho Marx

Ah, yes, the American marathon of Republican debates and primaries rolls on endlessly towards the eventual convention. South Carolina is past, and with it, events have insured that the nomination will still be months away from being locked up. Two more notable drop-outs since last time: Jon Huntsman (I know, no one really noticed him in the race in the first place) and Rick Perry have gone. Apparently Dubya 2.0 ran out of campaign funds before he ran out of ego. He's gone back to Texas, and he's not in a good mood. If you're a death row inmate down in those parts, don't be counting on clemency.

South Carolina saw Newt Gingrich win the day, deflating the lead enjoyed by Governor Mittens. Apparently down in South Carolina, they don't seem to much care about Newt's.... deplorable lack of personal ethics and responsibility....

Anyway, the editorial cartoonists continue to draw inspiration from the endless campaign while Republicans tear each other apart in debates and attack ads. And in the White House, the re-election campaign is busy taking notes, readying themselves to take on whoever's left standing.

Will it be Mitt? Will it be Newt? Will the bizarre happen and somehow Ron Paul or Rick Santorum do the impossible? I know, I know, let's not be silly...

Despite faltering in South Carolina, Governor Mittens still has time on his hands. He can still win the nomination that he seems to so desperately want, despite not being wanted by the party faithful. They've been busy hoping Ronald Reagan will rise from the grave to lead them back to the promised land.

If only he doesn't get tripped up by his own taxes....

Governor Mittens likes to act as if he's in touch with the common man, but really... the common person does not have a past in corporate plundering, off shore accounts in the Caymans, and does not make ten thousand dollar bets on trivial things. Really, Mittens, you might as well stop trying.

And from the start, the rest of the nominees have been trying to make him look bad. Newt's busiest at that right now, what with Dubya 2.0 faltering and giving up. Perry never did recover from that cataclysmic Oops, after all. His blundering during debates will haunt old Ricky til the end of his days....

Which of course brings us to Newt. He casts himself as an outsider, though he's been in government or lobbying for most of his life. He casts himself strongly with Ronald Reagan. I wonder if Reagan would appreciate that. And he campaigns as a family values candidate.

This, from the same guy who cheated on and abandoned his first wife, while she was stricken with cancer. Then did the same with his second wife, stricken with MS. Memo to the third Mrs. Gingrich: you'd better stay healthy. You contract something like a slight cold, and he'll be dropping you for the next trophy wife.

I mean, really. That's low. That's beyond sleazy. This is the same guy who railed against Clinton in the 90s (I'm not defending Bubba Bill... I always thought he was a lecherous sleaze too) and yet does this? And he has the hypocritical gall to act as if he has any moral high ground?

Newt Gingrich represents a new sub species of humanity: homo sapiens politicus opportunus Gingrichus sleazius.

Note to self: have that turned into a T-shirt.

And so there are four candidates left, fighting it out for the nomination. Huntsman finally went, more loudly then he made his presence known in the first place. Perry went out grumbling and growling. Santorum is still there. And so is Ron Paul (aka the Crazy Old Man of the Grand Old Party). Who will drop out next? The Florida primary is up next, and the state has, well, to put it charitably, something of a really skewed history with elections.

Postscript: in the White House, President Obama can't believe how lucky he is to have such crazy nutcases to possibly run against. In tearing each other to shreds, they've been doing all his dirty work for him.