A Day In The Life Of A Cat

8:05 AM. Have woken up. Staff still asleep. Overcast skies outside. Snow falling. Will go over to window and inspect outdoors for myself.

8:06 AM. Oh my. That is a great deal of snow.

8:10 AM. Staff finally wakes up. Wonders why she slept in. Well, for one, the power is off, staff. I only know the time from looking at your wall clock. The bedside table clock is off.

Oh, and there's snow outside. Now get up, I want breakfast.

8:25 AM. Have confirmed power seems off throughout house. Feels colder than it should. Staff will have to make inquiries with power company about getting power restored. After making my breakfast.

8:30 AM. Staff comes into kitchen, mutters something about no power for the can opener. In that case, staff, just break out a steak for thawing. I'll have that for lunch. Staff? Staff?

8:31 AM. Staff is pouring me a bowl of field rations. Oh, the humanity....

8:32 AM. Set to eating field rations. Annoyed at staff.

8:45 AM. Staff dismayed by snow outside. Unable to get into work today. That's fine, you'll just spend today catering to my every whim. You got off to a bad start by feeding me field rations, you know. Now, get the fireplace started. It's a bit cool in here for my taste.

10:15 AM. Waking up from nap in front of fireplace. Nice and toasty. Lights back on. Staff sitting in chair nearby knitting. I imagine the power company finally got around to restoring the power.

10:17 AM. Looking outside. Lots of snow. I wonder if this is going to turn into a Donner Party thing. Staff, if it comes down to it, you will have to sacrifice yourself so that I can eat.

10:25 AM. Watching staff knitting. Mesmerized by that yarn. Must chase the yarn. Must have my way with the string...

10:26 AM. Have lunged at ball of yarn, but the staff pulled it away before I could be off with it. Come now, staff! I demand the time to have my amusements!

10:45 AM. Watching staff knitting something or another. Wondering what it is.

Hey, wait a minute. That's a little sock.

Like baby sized.

Wait... the staff can't be pregnant? Can she?

I won't stand for it! I won't have a baby competing with me!

10:47 AM. The staff can't be expecting. Her last relationship was with that moronic dog person, and that ended months ago. On a side note, all dog people are moronic. So, if we agree that it's been much too long for her to have procreated with that nitwit, and I feel reasonably sure she's not copulating with anyone else, there must be a reasonable explanation.

Unless she's off fornicating with someone during those times she says she's at work...

10:50 AM. Pacing with worry and anxiety. Staff looks at me and smiles. Tells me she's going to have a new niece or nephew in a few months. Feeling a profound sense of relief, mixed with annoyance that her irritating relatives are going to have yet another rugrat around.

2:15 PM. Wake up from second nap. No sign of staff around. Looking out window.

Why is she building a snowman?

You'd think she'd build a snow cat...

2:25 PM. Staff lets me come outside onto the front porch. I can't recall the last time we've had this much snow.

Staff, if you even think of throwing a snowball at me...

2:26 PM. Hearing distant barking. I think it's that annoying mutt from the farm down the road. Sounds perpetually befuddled, and that fits this particular hound.

2:30 PM. More barking. Will you shut up already, stupid mutt?

4:45 PM. Waking up from nap. House feels nice and warm. Staff sitting nearby knitting more. Use stealth to sneak up on the basket. Snatching away a ball of string.

4:55 PM. Staff finds me happily in the midst of unwinding the string. What? If you were me, you'd be doing the exact same thing...

6:15 PM. Staff cooking dinner. I do detect the smell of steak. You'd better be setting some aside for me, staff, or we will have words...

6:30 PM. Staff sets a bowl of milk down for me, accompanied by a plate of steak, rare, just the way I like it.

Staff, for this, I'll even set aside the dismay I felt at spending all Christmas day hiding from those annoying rugrats your sister and her idiot husband brought with them.

I approve, staff. I approve.

11:25 PM. Staring out into the darkness. Oh, joy. It's snowing again.

Looks like the staff might just have to take tomorrow off from work too.

Good. Plenty of time for me to get up on her lap and block whatever it is she's actually doing.

Staff picks me up and takes me up the stairs, saying that tomorrow's another day.

Staff, I will remind you that I am the one who says when it's bed time, not you...

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

8:10 AM. Very strange. Have slept late this morning. Feeling famished. Where is human?

8:15 AM. Human comes downstairs. Ah, there you are. Time for breakfast? It's been over nine hours since I had a treat, and I really am ever so hungry.

8:25 AM. Human sets down bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yum!!!

Of course I must consume all of it inside of a minute...

8:32 AM. Human staring out front window. Have a look for myself what seems so interesting.

Oh my. That's a lot of snow. I can't see the angel statue out on the deck.

Or the gargoyle statue. I like the gargoyle better. We understand each other.

9:05 AM. Human opens door to step outside. Dash out into the snow. Sink into it up to my hips. Fortunately I'm a big dog. A poodle would be lost right now...

9:45 AM Watching human shovelling off deck. Would love to help, but my paws don't do much with that whole holding objects thing. Will have to ask Spike The Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels, why we dogs have such problems holding things.

10:20 AM. Human finished making a path to the barn. Watching her start up the snowplow. Now she'll get things done.

Human, this might have gone better if you'd hired someone to plow the driveway. On the other hand, at least you don't have to shovel all the way down to the road. If you did, you'd be out here all winter.

10:35 AM. Barking my head off, chasing the snowplow as human plows out the driveway.

Note to self: keep your distance, dummy.

10:40 AM. It's so much easier running on packed graded snow than through three feet of fresh powder. It'd be nice if the human made a trail over to a convenient tree for me to... take care of some business, but that would probably tear up the lawn. Oh well.

10:50 AM. Human seems to be completely finished with the driveway. Just in time for the county plow to drive right past on the road and send a whole lot of snow right back into the front of the driveway. Human yelling some very bad words at the driver.

I don't think my human was a sailor, but where on earth did she pick up those words?

11:25 AM. Human heading back inside after finishing up. Will see if I can mooch a cookie or two. Depending on how mad she is at that snowplow driver.

11:35 AM. Human giving a piece of her mind to someone at county headquarters over the phone.

11:45 AM. Put head on human's lap. I think she needs it.

12:10 PM. Human starts making lunch. Much better mood now than she was when she used all those colourful words earlier.

Having a doggie put his head on the lap will work wonders, after all...

12:20 PM. Human gives me cookies. Oh boy!

2:15 PM. Waking up from nap. Human not in living room. Feel like someone's staring at me.

2:16 PM. Have spotted intruder. That annoying squirrel is sitting on the front windowsill, staring at me from outside, running his paws along his chin, chattering away.

I hate squirrels. Even more annoying than cats.

2:17 PM. Pacing back and forth, glaring at that squirrel. The little bastard's taunting me. Again.

2:25 PM. Human comes downstairs. Rush to door to be let out. Human lets me go.

2:26 PM. Into battle! Barking my head off, rushing through snow around to front... and getting stuck in a snowdrift.

2:27 PM. Spotting squirrel dashing over top of snow and racing up a tree. The squirrel stares at me and chatters away yet again. Stupid squirrel. Just you wait until I figure out how to climb a tree...

4:55 PM. Wondering if I can hire a hit-crow to take out that squirrel. This isn't the sort of thing I can trust to a cat. Cats aren't to be trusted, after all...

6:25 PM. Human having dinner. Smells really good. I think it's steak. I've already had my dinner, but that was a whole fifteen minutes ago. Using my patented sad eyes look to mooch. Human sighs, gets a small plate, and forks a couple of strips onto it. Human sets the plate on the floor.

Oh boy! Steak! My favourite!

Yum yum yum!!!

10:55 PM. Staring outside. Human, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but it's snowing again. Really, really heavily.

Human?

Hmmm, the human is heading up to bed.

Guess she's going to have to plow out the driveway in the morning again...

I wonder if I could drive that thing. It would sure make chasing that squirrel a whole lot of fun....