A Day In The Life Of A Dog

7:45 AM. Waking up from long night of sleep. Dreams of chasing squirrels figured prominently.

8:05 AM. Human comes downstairs. Ah, hello, human. Such a delight to see you out and about this morning.

Now, how about breakfast?

8:10 AM. Kibbles!!!! Yummy yummy yummy!

8:11 AM. After setting a personal record of devouring a bowlful of kibbles, it's time to get out and stretch my legs. The human opens the back door. Out I go!!!

8:35 AM. Chasing squirrel through snow in back field. Barking my head off. Squirrel escapes up tree.

Note to self: figure out a way to get up a tree. If cats can do it, how hard can it be?

10:05 AM. Have finally returned home after mad dashing through the snow all over the farm. Human lets me into the house. Shakes her head and sighs at how much snow is in my fur.

10:10 AM. Human finished drying me off with the Towel of Torment. You know, I can dry myself off just perfectly fine. All it takes is twenty minutes lying by the fireplace. And don't give me that wet dog excuse. We don't smell that bad when we're soaked.

Unless we've been rolling in something dead.

10:30 AM. Human having tea. Manage to mooch two cookies from her. Yummy!

11:05 AM. Human watching television. It's the news. Oh, that's boring. How about some documentary on dogs?

11:10 AM. Lots of people on screen. Stage set up in front of Capitol Building. Lots of flags. Anchor mentions something about Presidential Inauguration. Human, why are you watching this? We're Canadians. At least I think we are. We've got that nice big maple leaf flag out on the front. Well, not right now, of course. Not good having a flag flying all winter. It destroys the flag and all.

But human, tell me, why watch this?

11:20 AM. Human in kitchen. Try clicking on channels on remote. No good. The next channel is running pretty much the same thing.

Which channel is Discovery again? Maybe they're running a Dog Week special.

11:25 AM. Human returns. Using the sad eyes look to plead with her to change the channel.

Human slightly puzzled as to why the television channel was switched. Must look entirely oblivious. Can't let her know I changed it.

11:35 AM. Talking heads chattering away about inauguration. Lots of familiar faces. Don't like that one. Frowns too much. Can never trust someone who always frowns.

11:40 AM. Why is that former Vice President who once shot a lawyer invited to this? I thought he hates the President.

11:55 AM. Slightly crazy looking older man puts hand on black book and raises other hand while reciting oath. Oh, right, that's the Vice President. In a wolf pack, he'd be the beta male.

Where's the First Dog?

11:59 AM. President taking the oath. Angry looking former Vice President who once shot lawyer is in background on screen, rolling his eyes. First Lady beside President. She's a nice lady. I'd like her to rub my tummy.

Hello? Does the First Dog get to take an oath?

12:10 PM. Still no sign of the First Dog. Come on, surely we could have him turn up, put his paw on a copy of a Marmaduke hardcover, and bark the oath.

12:30 PM. Talking heads still chattering away on screen. Human making lunch. Human, how about something to eat for me?

12:35 PM. Have managed to swipe a dinner roll off the table when the human wasn't looking.

2:15 PM. Parade down a street. Will someone explain to me why humans put on parades?

I think I'll take a nap.

6:05 PM. Waking up from nap. Feel quite rested. News on. More talking heads, chattering away about today's events.

Apparently someone named Russell Brand set off an international incident by shoving the ambassador from Belgium into something called the Potomac. With a Boston cream pie.

6:35 PM. Dinner! Human feeds me more kibbles and canned meat. Yummy!

8:55 PM. Television news just won't stop!

President and First Lady at one of these inaugural balls. Very confusing.

Still no sign of the First Dog.

9:25 PM. Belgian leader appears on television, demanding the immediate surrender of Russell Brand. Vows to withhold Belgian chocolates from the entire world if he doesn't get Russell Brand in custody within twenty four hours.

11:20 PM. Late news wrap up. Russell Brand being dragged in handcuffs onto a plane, protesting to the marshals that it was all just a joke.

Frankly, the man looks like something of an idiot. He looks like something a cat would cough up.

Human turning off lights for bed. Taking up station by fireplace for the night.

Still wondering why the First Dog didn't get to take the oath...

G'Day, Mate, Welcome To Australia. Watch Out For The Snakes

"I mean, we've got a couple hundred kinds of snakes here in Australia, and all but one of them are venomous. And the one that's not will eat you whole. Then there are all those lizards and creepy crawlies. The thorny devil will just glare at you the wrong way and you'll fall dead. Oh, and by the way, check your shoes before you put them on. The spiders round here get pretty big, and they like to surprise people. And deadly. Did I mention how deadly they are? Well, of course they are, this is Australia. Everything's out to kill you, mate. And when they're not killing you, they're planning ways to kill you. Even the kangaroos are bad tempered if they want to be. Once you've been kicked by a kangaroo, you'll feel that ache for the rest of your life. And koalas? Oh, sure, they look adorable, but they're not that cute when they're ambushing you from the trees. Next on our item list of cautions? Tasmanian devils. Forget everything you think you know from that cartoon. Real Tasmanian devils are much more vicious and a lot smarter. Oh, they're harmless when they're in a good mood, but once they're annoyed, look out, because they'll rip you apart piece by piece. And since they're annoyed even when they're sleeping, it's a pretty nasty bugger to come across. Don't go swimming with the crocs. They might think of you as food. And by might I mean they will think of you as food. And before I forget, watch out for the platypus. They do look strangely cute, but that doesn't mean they're cuddly. They're dangerous. What part of this is Australia did you not seem to get? The platypus will smack you upside the head with that tail of theirs, and steal your wallet while they're at it. Anything else for me to warn or advise about? Oh right. You might want to hire a local to interpret for you, because the dialect gets a little strange. You all would have no idea what I'd be talking about if I mentioned terms like fair dinkum, brumby, or drongo. Let alone having a naughty. Last thing. Any of you who might be entertaining ideas about swimming in Lake Eyre? You might have to wait a few years. Well, welcome to Australia, and try not to get eaten by sharks. It's doing our tourism business no favours at all..." ~ Roland Wallace, Australian tourism official, 2010

Oh, boy... I suspect I'm going to be a dead man Down Under for this one.

Welcome to Australia, and I'm having a bit of image fun today. If you haven't seen it yet, check out our joint blog, where yesterday we did a Without A Word blog, sort of a prelude to today's mischief, with some natural cuteness, eye candy, and a couple of not safe for work pics.

And for those of you who might like IMAX films, I'll direct you over to a link at Youtube, where this link leads you to the full Australia Land Beyond Time film.

For those of you who like photo blogs, I'll offer you these suggestions from Down Under from daily photographers:

Grace at Perth Daily Photo

Sally at Sydney Daily Photo

Sydney Eye

Adelaide and Beyond

Melbourne Snaps

Sunshine Coast Daily Photo

As a writer, I'd like to one day write about Australia- though writing in the espionage genre and usually operating out of other areas of the world... Australia is a long way off (by extension, to an Aussie, Europe and North America are a long way off). The only instance of Australia turning up in a spy novel that I can think of offhand is in Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (the second last good book he wrote before his abilities took a steep dive into the Marianas Trench), where a pivotal moment in the plot takes place during a trip to Sydney.

As a traveller, I'd love to spend a few months there. My aunt and uncle have been over at least on three different occasions, and probably more. They speak very highly of it. I'd love to see this place for myself. Particularly Uluru, the very heart of the continent.

Obviously when travelling, I'll just have to make sure to check my shoes. And not to annoy a koala.

And so with that, I leave you to the pics. I'm going into hiding now. The Australian High Commissioner will want to have a word with me. Enjoy!