Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And now it is time for Her Royal Majesty to have her say...

7:26 AM. Waking up at home. Big stretch. Strange dreams. Dreamed of something gobbling at me for whatever reason. 

7:28 AM. A look outside at the vastness of my domain. Spring has fully sprung. Took long enough.

7:31 AM. The staff is downstairs. Well, as I know it’s a work day for you, staff, I will not venture outdoors. Getting stuck outdoors for hours on end is not my idea of a swell time. Now then, while you’re here and occupied, I would suggest you get started with my breakfast.

7:33 AM. Delivering head bonks to the legs of my staff while she’s seeing to breakfast. Strangely enough, despite her usual tendencies to feed me field rations, today I get a nice bowl of milk and some tuna. I look up at the staff. Is this some sort of compensation for some bad news you’re going to deliver? Like your idiot relations coming for a visit?

7:36 AM. Having breakfast to my heart’s content. Now if we can only get the staff to feed me this way every day.

7:41 AM. The staff is on her way out the door. Good day to you, staff. Bring me back some treats if you’re stopping in to shop on the way home. I would appreciate a sundae or a banana split. With tuna on top.

7:42 AM. Watching the staff leave the driveway in her car. I say it’s her car as opposed to my car, because frankly, I don’t like being in that car. It ends up taking me places I don’t like to go to, such as the vet’s office, for instance. And if you ask me, and you were asking me, nobody wants to go see the vet, not even the vet. 

7:49 AM. Sitting on the back of the couch, staring outside, speculating on what to do with my day. Hours and hours before my staff comes home, and here I am, only awake a half hour thus far, so a nap is probably out of the question.

7:55 AM. I can hear the barking of that annoying mutt in the distance. Just as long as he stays away from my property. I will not abide the presence of that dog in my sanctuary.

8:18 AM. Brooding as I stare out the window. Musing on the meaning of life.

8:20 AM. Movement at the tree line. Is it that vile hound?

8:21 AM. No, it’s a bunch of turkeys. On my property.

8:23 AM. Pacing on the back of the couch. Watching those big walking gourmet meals gobbling away and pecking at my lawn. Hey! Get lost, you freeloading gobblers! If I was out there right now, I’d give you a piece of my mind! Even if I am outsized and outnumbered.

8:25 AM. The turkeys are sitting outside the window staring up at me. It’s as if they know I’m annoyed with them. Yeah, yeah, you’re out there and I’m in here, but if I was out there, I’d be chasing the whole lot of you. 

8:46 AM. Checking recipes for cooking turkey on the computer. With lemon sounds good.

8:53 AM. Okay, let’s see, I’ve been up for an hour and a half. Time for my first nap.

12:05 PM. Waking up from nap. Looking at clock. Damn, the staff is still going to be hours away from getting home to cater to my every whim.

2:12 PM. Scratching at the scratching post. I have unleashed a bit of catnip scent trapped there... and of course that means within five seconds I’m going to end up going on a catnip frenzy.

2:37 PM. Coming down out of my catnip frenzy. Cats on a catnip binge should not be accountable for their actions. Just saying.

2:53 PM. It occurs to me that catnip frenzies always leave me feeling tuckered out. I could use a nap.

5:41 PM. Waking up from my latest nap by the sound of the door opening. I hear the staff’s footsteps, and charge forth with an overly enthusiastic head bonk to the leg.

5:43 PM. Watching the staff settle in. I don’t suppose it’s too late in the day to start cooking turkey?

6:26 PM. Dinner with the staff. Bacon pancakes, cut up into pieces for me. Along with a bowl of milk. Very good, staff, very good indeed.

6:47 PM. Supervising the staff while she does the dishes. Staff need close supervision, after all.

8:49 PM. The staff is reading, and I’m busy pondering the great mystery. Is the universe ultimately one big ball of yarn?

11:31 PM. The staff is off to bed. Very well, staff, but leave the door open. I may be inclined to run around all over the bed at four in the morning for no reason at all. I just thought I ought to warn you in advance.


  1. The Hannibal cat picture is kind of creepy!

  2. Not tempted by the cuteness just the nice day in the life sagas-because everyone needs supervision! :)

  3. The monster under my bed! Hahahahahaha!

  4. I'm going to rethink my plan to grow catnip in the yard.

  5. I always love the Grumpy Cat memes

  6. @Meradeth: it is!

    @Eve: everyone does.

    @Petrea: isn't the monster adorable?

    @Lynn: good idea.

    @Norma: me too.

  7. Reading this is a great way to end the day! I showed it to my cats, but neither of them indicated any interest. You should have seen them when I waved a piece of deli ham in the air. Woosh! I really like the segway one!

  8. Cats eat Fava beans and drink Chianti? Really?


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